Fresh Start
by EdenAshley
Summary: Starts at Chix immediatley after Nikki is released, follows the Shed ending, but quickly takes on a life of its own. Follows are two favorites girls for a while, but not entirley sure how long! Rated M for FemSlash - If you dont like, dont read,
1. Chapter 1

**Bad Girls and its characters are property of Shed Productions. No copyright violations intended.**

**This starts off Chix straight after Nikki's release, and aims to follow them throughout their lives outside of Larkhall. Not sure how long for. Let me know what you guys think.**

Nikki lets the alcohol wash over her tongue, savours the taste, she was never really a big drinker prior to Larkhall, but compared to the swill she drank inside this tasted like the world's finest champagne. She's noticed already how heightened her senses are, she had managed to grab a quick bite to eat since the courthouse, and even that swift sandwich was like a gourmet meal, the flavours a thousand times anything she had eaten in the last three years.

Three years of her life wasted, and now here she was, standing in her nightclub, Chix, surrounded by all of her friends, and the opportunity of a second chance with Trisha. Her head is spinning; she can't quite take it all in. Her main thought, the one thing making her head rotate more than any of the other issues, Helen Stewart.

The woman who had fought for well over a year to get her, her appeal, and within months of it being granted, had ripped her heart out of her chest, by telling her in no uncertain terms she wanted nothing more to do with her, and then compounded that by jumping into bed with what seemed to Nikki like, the first bloke she had come across.

But alas, with Trisha at her side, trying her best to cosy up to her, and all her friends around, she hate's that all she can think about is the fiery Scot, who she said goodbye to for good, just yesterday. She had been looking forward to this moment for as long as she can remember, and right now, all she feels is empty. She tries her best not to show it, she doesn't want to let Trisha down. Who is she kidding; she and Trish had been together for how long? She could read her like a book.

Nikki is pulled from her thoughts by a swift nudge in the ribs from Trisha, taken aback she looks at her sharply.

"I think there's someone here to see you."

Nikki follows Trisha's gaze, and her heart jumps into her throat when she see's focus of her recent thoughts happily smiling and waving over at her.

She must be dreaming, surely. She takes a moment to compose herself, and waves back at her, whilst somehow managing to move her legs in the general direction of Helen, she is still very much in a daze.

Helen knew as soon as she saw Nikki's speech on the steps of the appeal court, that there was still a chance with her, and that along with her disastrous date with Thomas last night, just cemented her feelings. As much as she fought against what he had said, she knew deep in her heart, he was right. She had been lying to herself.

Helen feels sick, like seriously ill with nerves. But she has to do this, she had seen Nikki as soon as she entered the club, she is aware that she is currently waving away and grinning like a lunatic at her, but she can't help it, the smile is genuine. She is so very happy to see Nikki again. But now she's here she doesn't really know what to say.

Nikki reaches Helen after what seems like an age, and tries her best to plaster a smile on her face.

"Hey." It really is the best Nikki can manage.

"Hey" Helen feels pathetic, she's come all this way and that's the finest response she can muster.

Nikki as usual lets her mouth shoot off before her brain has a chance to proof read.

"How did you find out I was here?" She instantly hopes Helen doesn't think this is a harsh statement. She doesn't have appeared to have taken it in the wrong way.

"Bit of detective work." Helen inwardly cringes, as she taps her nose along with latest statement. She can't help it, there's something about Nikki Wade on the outside that turns her into a nervous wreck. She feels like a school girl again. Come on Stewart, power through it.

"I had to see you. Tell you how happy I am for you." Helen's emotions have taken over she is so abundantly happy that Nikki has been released.

Nikki is disheartened, that's it, that's all she here for, just to congratulate me. She feels instantly stupid for getting her hopes up. She looks down at her own feet.

"It's all a bit of a dream right now."

"You'll get used to it." Helen can tell Nikki's mood is sombre, which she can't understand, the woman has just been released from prison.

Nikki decides to get a little braver, she's got nothing to lose now, she may as well try and get some sort of reaction out of Helen, see if there is any hope at all.

"I'd never have done it without you Helen, do you know that?" Nikki's voice momentarily breaks, Helen catches this, but Nikki swallows the emotion, and continues.

"If you knew how much that meant." Nikki is now eagle eyed waiting for any sort of reaction, any sort of hope. None.

"I wouldn't have missed if for the world." She takes a deep breath, here goes, it's now or never, she has to tell Nikki how she feels.

"Nikki." Just as she about to jump head first into her declaration of love, she looks past Nikki and see's Trisha, head up like a mere cat, only with the expression of a bulldog about to attack. How arrogant had she been, of course now Nikki was out she could have her pick of women, and why wouldn't she choose Trisha over her, she's done nothing but hurt her, in the past year. Nerve, well and truly lost.

"Look I better go."

Nikki's heart which had been in her throat, now felt like it had slid right down, and was now resting somewhere near her shoes. She needs Helen to confirm that there really is no hope for them.

"Someone waiting for you?"

Helen is somewhat confused now, but her overriding instinct at the moment is to flee, the air in the club somehow feels thinner than it was previously, she struggles to breathe as the emotion rises in her chest, she needs to escape.

"Have a wonderful night." She runs away.

That's that then. That really will be the last time she ever sees Helen Stewart. Now she was in the mood to drink.

**XXXXXXXXX**

Nikki has rejoined Trisha at the bar. Trisha can see how much her little chat with Helen has affected her. Nikki confirms this by ordering a bottle of Corona, and taking a massive swig.

"Let's get plastered."

"Don't get too pissed." Trish genuinely doesn't think Nikki could cope with getting hammered so quickly after being released.

"What?" Nikki's mind all over the place, she can't really comprehend what Trisha is going on about, so she just does the first thing that comes to mind, which involves draping an arm around her.

"Love you babes."

Trisha is not impressed; in fact she is a little offended. It's obvious to her; the only person she does love is Helen bloody Stewart. She swiftly removes Nikki's arm from around her shoulder.

"If you run, you can still catch her." Nikki is surprised, but again she's not really sure why, she's already established this evening that Trish can read her like a book. She decides honesty is the best policy from here on in.

"She's not interested in me." She looks away from Trish, she has essentially just told her that she is interested in Helen, and doesn't want to see the pain in her eyes.

"Of course she's bloody interested." The forcefulness of her voice, makes Nikki look directly into her eyes, there's the pain.

"Just go." Nikki knows how hard this must have been for her, but she's certainly not giving Trish the opportunity to change her mind. She squeezes her shoulder as a gesture of thanks, before legging it out of the club.

Trisha hates herself for being such a bloody saint, now she feels like getting plastered, she grabs the nearest drink, which just happens to be a half full bottle of Moet. No need for a glass, she just starts to dejectedly sip it from the bottle.

Nikki reaches the front door in record speed, unfortunately just in time to see a black cab pull away, she assumes Helen was in it. Damn. She is startled when she hears that unmistakable Scottish accent shouting from behind her.

"You looking for someone?"

Helen had run out of the club and round the corner, gasping for air initially. Once she had composed herself, she turned the air blue with profanities. Shit. Shit, shit shit. Why hadn't she just told Nikki how she feels, at least if she'd have knocked her back she would have known. She just felt in complete utter limbo. She was thinking how she could re enter the club, and what she could say to not look a complete utter idiot, when she saw Nikki run out of the club. Thank you lord. Second chance.

Nikki tries to play it cool. "I thought it was a bit rude not asking you to stay for a drink."

"Well I figured if I waited out here long enough." Well this is all very awkward.

"So do you want to come back in?" Nikki's conversation is struggling at the moment; she's concentrating on trying to breathe.

"I could stay for one I suppose."

Nikki decides to give Helen another opportunity to either give her a glimpse of hope, or dash it completely. Here goes nothing.

"That is unless there's somewhere else you've got to be?"

Helen pauses for a second, trying to decide how she's going to play this. She decides on wholesale openness.

"Thomas and I split up. I've been such an idiot Nikki." Nikki reeling from the revelation that Helen is single, can't really comprehend much else, words just kind of fall out of her mouth, she still can't allow herself to believe that there's any hope.

"I know what you're saying." The look on Nikki's face as she says this to Helen conveys to her that Nikki really doesn't know what she's trying to say to her at all.

"No let me say it." Just bite the bullet Stewart. "Thomas is gorgeous; he's everything you would want in a man. But I want a woman." Helen tries to gauge Nikki's reaction.

Nikki's heart has been covering some distance today, its currently back in throat, making it difficult for her to speak, tears have pricked her eyeballs, Helen's words sink in, again she herself is lost for words, she just blurts out what she thinks Helen would want to hear.

"We'll take things slowly."

Helen smiles, firstly at the acceptance from Nikki, she clearly wants her back. Secondly at the notion of them taking things slowly, no chance, Helen has three years of sexual frustration to work through, and she knows deep down Nikki has just said this as not to panic her, but truthfully Helen feels like they've already wasted too much time. But she sooths Nikki, with her almost sarcastic response.

"Yeah, dead slow."

Nikki leans down and her own lips meet Helen's, and it is wonderful. Her senses are well and truly heightened now. She is lost in the kiss, but feels, Helen manoeuvring her; she smiles as she feels her back hit a cold concrete wall. Its mere seconds before Helen's lips are back on hers, and that's how they stay, like a couple of teenagers, embracing, enjoying the closeness and the feel of the other. Lost in the moment, and the kiss.

**XXXXXXXXX**

They're not entirely sure how long they stayed like that for, as they were truly lost in the kiss. But they eventually had to stop for air. They are currently still in the same position, against the concrete wall, but foreheads rested against each other, breathing heavily, both trying to recover from the kiss, Helen still holding onto the lapels of Nikki's jacket as if her life depended on it.

Nikki takes a deep breath; she supposes they can't stay here like this all day. Unfortunately. She is still reeling from all of today's goings-on, she still can't really think straight, and as ever is trying to cater to Helen's every need, unsure as to what she would want to do next.

"I suppose we better move, do you want to go back inside for a drink?"

Helen ponders Nikki's question, the truth is she couldn't care less where she goes, as long as they're together. But she guesses they should really go back in, all those people are in there to celebrate Nikki's release.

"That sounds great." Helen beams a huge smile at Nikki; she can't quite believe how happy she is right now.

Nikki returns her smile, and slips her hand into Helen's before leading her back inside, she feels pride at walking in hand in hand with Helen. The she see's Trisha still sitting at the bar, still sipping straight from the champagne bottle. Helen follows Nikki's gaze, and frowns. She had an idea that something may have happened between them, until of course she came along and threw a spanner in the works.

Helen squeezes her hand, as a show of comfort, when Nikki looks down at her, she smiles, what she hopes is a defiant yet reassuring smile.

"Are you going to introduce me to Trisha properly?"

Nikki swallows; Helen can tell she is hesitant. But deep down Nikki knows, or at least hopes, that both of these women will be a big part of her life. They are going to have to get on at some point, so no time like the present to lay the foundations.

"Yeah sure."

Trisha see's them approaching, she guessed this would happen. She braces herself for the worst, but plasters an obviously fake smile on her face.

"You found her then Nik?" Trisha looks Helen up and down; she can certainly see why Nikki has fallen for her.

Helen doesn't really appreciate the look she gets from Trisha, but she can certainly understand it. Nikki starts to speak, as the silent battle continues between her two lovers.

"Trisha, this is Helen."

Helen holds her hand out, hoping for Nikki's sake that she accepts it. Trisha looks at the hand, she knows she's acting like a spoilt brat that's had her new toy taken away, and she knows that she needs to make this work for Nikki's sake, and it's the look of terror in Nikki's eyes at the scene unfolding in front of her that makes her reach out and grab Helen's outstretched hand.

"Nice to finally meet you Helen."

"You too." Helen exhales heavily, it seems she and Trisha can be civil. Maybe she has that thought a little too quickly.

"If you hurt her any more than you have already, you'll have me to answer to." The words are out of Trisha's mouth before she has a chance to stop them.

Nikki flinches and closes her eyes, waiting for the inevitable explosion from Helen. Helen on the other decides to be a little more adult. Although what she says is through gritted teeth.

"I know I've got a lot to prove, to Nikki and to everyone that loves her, but I can assure you, that I intend to spend the rest of my life making things up to her."

She says it with a steely determination. Nikki's heart burst with joy. Trish smiles, she is suitably impressed.

"You'll do." She shakes Helens hand heartily, this time her smile is genuine, as is the one reciprocated by Helen. Nikki is just pleased they all came out of it alive.

**XXXXXXXXX**

Helen had a made a real effort with Trisha over the last few hours, Trisha knew it, and was grateful. She's confident they will at least be able to be civil to each other for Nikki's sake, but more than that she really does feel like they could become friends. They are at present propping up the bar, Nikki has been off talking to everyone, Helen had got tired after one round of being introduced, and had skulked off to the bar with Trisha.

They both happened to glance over at Nikki at the same time, to see that she was being talked at, by a couple of well meaning friends. But she looks warn out. Trisha laughs.

"Maybe you should take her home."

Helen smiled back, truth be told, she'd been looking forward to taking her home since she arrived.

"I think you're right. Are you going to be okay with all this?" She gestured with her arms over the club. Trish smiles.

"I'll be fine, take care of her."

"I will." Helen smiled warmly which was reciprocated by Trisha, maybe it was the alcohol, but they gave each other a brief hug, and a quick goodbye, and Helen strode over to Nikki.

Nikki seems to snap back to reality when Helen approaches her, and her smile reaches right up to her eyes.

"Hey."

"Hey, you look shattered. Fancy coming back to mine?" The twinkle that was in Helen's eyes made Nikki melt with delight.

"Absolutely."

She said a quick goodbye to the group she had been speaking to, and Trisha. They immediately jumped into a black cab, it was only a short ride to Helens, the cab had just pulled up, Helen was paying the driver, Nikki was transfixed on the view, the front of the building, she had memorised everything from the night of her escape, and replayed it over and over in her mind, it had almost driven her insane inside, and here she was standing in front of that big red door again. This time it won't be getting slammed in her face.

She heard the taxi drive off, and within seconds she felt Helen's arms slide round her waist from behind, she leaned her head on her shoulder.

"Welcome home sweetheart."

**XXXXXXXXXX**

Helen strides into the flat, followed by Nikki, who is still a little in awe, she stands in the hallway, her eyes going over every inch of the entrance, taking it all in again. Helen removes her jacket and looks over at Nikki, she's worried about her, she grabs the see through plastic bag that Nikki is clutching, which contains her entire life from the past three years. This seems to get Nikki's attention; she looks down into Helen's eyes.

"Why don't you grab a shower?"

"Do I smell that badly?" a hint of a smile plays on Nikki's lips. Helen can't lie Nikki does smell a little like a brewery, all that stale alcohol and cigarette smoke. She decides to take a kinder option.

"You look like you need to relax; a shower will do you the world of good. Grab a towel from the bedroom, and I'll make you something to eat."

Nikki smiles, domestic bliss. Helen is right, she feels awful, all she wants to do is shower and sleep, and food would probably be a good idea too. She kisses Helen, who readily accepts.

"Thank you."

Nikki heads for the bathroom, through the bedroom; she remembers the flat as if it was only yesterday that she was last here. Helen heads for the kitchen, secretly hoping that she actually has some food in to offer Nikki, her brow furrows, when she suddenly realises that she has no idea what Nikki actually likes. Although the thought that this is one of many, things she and Nikki are now going to learn about each other, brings the smile straight back onto her face. She decides to go simple and make her a Sandwich; she starts to merrily hum as she gets to work in her kitchen.

Nikki now in the bathroom, had grabbed a towel on her way, she spent a good two minutes just revelling in its softness. The difference in quality to the rags she had been provided with in Larkhall was astounding, she had undressed and then wrapped herself in the towel, just to fully embrace the comfort, then she caught herself doing this in the bathroom mirror, and laughed.

After turning the shower on and jumping in, she twisted the temperature tap up as high as she could stand, the water in prison had been tepid at best, and ice cold at worst. She let the water wash over her, it made her skin feel alive, her skin was a more than a little scarlet when she jumped out over the edge of the bath. She's not sure if it's the heat or the emotional happenings of the day, or even the alcohol, although she didn't drink bucket loads, but certainly a lot more than she's had in the recent past, but nausea wracks her body.

It had been around 20 minutes since Nikki went for her shower, Helen had made her sandwich, and a glass of juice, then sat at her breakfast bar and waited patiently, after fifteen long minutes, she started to worry a little, now she was practically rocking in her seat, she wanted to go and check on her, but she wanted to give her, her independence, something she obviously hadn't been privy to in the last three years.

Helen finally decided if she waited any longer she would drive herself insane. She jumped up off the stool, and headed straight for her bedroom.

"Nikki?" When Nikki wasn't in the bedroom, she called out, no response; she made her way over to the door of the en suite, and put her ear to it. She panicked as she heard Nikki retching.

She opened the door and went to Nikki immediately, rubbing her back, as she quivered over the toilet. She started whispering reassuring words into Nikki's ear; the day has obviously taken its toll on her.

Nikki feels thoroughly embarrassed. This is the last way she wanted Helen to see her, but she feels far too weak to do anything about it. When it's clear that she finished, Helen flushes the toilet, and Nikki allows herself to be hoisted to her feet by Helen, she becomes very aware at this point that she's completely naked. Helen picks up on her discomfort straight away, she manages to balance Nikki, whilst reaching for the towel and with a little help from Nikki, she wraps it around her, covering her modesty.

Between them they manage to manoeuvre her to the bed, when she gets there she collapses, exhausted. Helen looks over her; she can't believe how adorable she looks.

"Sweetheart, I think you should try and eat something before to fall asleep."

Nikki nodded in agreement, after losing the contents of her stomach, she feels empty, a different kind of empty to what she felt earlier in the afternoon, she knows she should at least try to line her stomach. Helen at the nod of her head had already disappeared; she assumed to the kitchen, she returned with a sandwich and a drink.

Nikki hungrily consumed half of the sandwich, realising, surprisingly that she was in fact hungry. After washing it down with the orange juice she was content. Helen watched her lover from the edge of the bed, smiling throughout, she couldn't help it especially now, with her lids drooping, Helen leans over and places a small kiss on Nikki's lips. Although she's not complaining, she is a little taken aback by Helen's show of affection.

"What was that for?"

"Because I can." It was a simple, beautiful, perfect explanation. They both knew the significance of it.

"Now you go to sleep." Nikki was half obeying Helen already such was her tiredness, but she reached out and grabbed Helen's had.

"What about you?" Helen knew Nikki was worried she was going to leave her. She wasn't.

"Relax; I'm just going to get these off." She grabbed at her shirt to indicate she means her clothes. "Then I'll be right with you."

True to her word, Helen quickly removed her clothes and crawled in behind Nikki, immediately putting her arms around her, Nikki felt alive at the feel of Helen at her back, and instantly grabbed her hand and interlinked their fingers. Helen kissed Nikki's back, content.

"Goodnight sweetheart."

"Goodnight Darling."

Within minutes they were both asleep, enjoying the soundest slumber they had in years, maybe even ever. Everything else can wait until tomorrow. After all their relationship now has something that it's never had before. Time.

**Please Review. Or follow me on twitter AT Eden_Ashley_Chr and let me know what you think.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Bad Girls and its characters are property of Shed Productions. No copyright violations intended.**

It seems they had somehow switched positions in the middle of the night, Nikki now has Helen enveloped in her arms. The sun is streaming in through the gaps in the curtains, this is what plays havoc with Nikki's eyes at first, disturbing her from her sleep, then she is stung by the realisation that she has someone in the bed with her.

She panics; her first thought is 'what the hell is Barbara playing at?' Then her eyes catch up with her brain, they open and she jumps up with a start. Looking down she realises its Helen, not Barbara in her arms, she breathes a sigh of relief. This stirs Helen, she slowly opens her eyes, and a smile erupts onto her face when she see's Nikki leaning over her, looking at her with pure love, and certainly looking a lot healthier than she did yesterday.

Nikki can't help herself, if she had the energy she doubted she would have been able to keep her hands to herself last night, she leans down and takes Helen's lips with her own. Helen gratefully accepts and responds.

The fact that both slept naked sparks the passion a lot faster, the towel Nikki had been wrapped in had obviously been disregarded in the night, there was flesh on flesh, they couldn't wait any longer, they had waited long enough already.

Unlike the last time they had spent the night together, there were no time constraints this time, their lovemaking on that occasion had been fast and frantic, the added excitement from the fact that Nikki was essentially on the run had added to the thrill. This time they took the time to explore each other's bodies fully; it was slower, but somehow more passionate, more filled with love.

**XXXXXXXXX**

They had headed to the shower, the plan was to get clean, and then talk, unfortunately Helen had the bright idea that if they showered together, it would be quicker. It was half tongue in cheek. Of course once in the shower, they stayed there, for some time. Not that either of them was complaining. Best morning ever.

They had quickly changed into house clothes, and thrown together some breakfast, and now here they are Nikki at one end of the couch, Helen at the other facing each other, legs entwined, ready to talk. As much as their relationship was filled with love, in the past it's been one that's been filled with pain in equal amounts, both women realise this needs to be worked through, if they stand any long term chance at all.

They are both nervous, and it shows, there is a weird tension in the room, something that certainly wasn't present this morning. Nikki decides to bite the bullet and talk first; it's a question that she's been curious about since Helen showed up at Chix yesterday.

"So what made you come and find me?"

Helen looks away, of course she knew this was coming, and she owes it to Nikki, to be honest.

"Thomas."

This makes Nikki flinch, a million thoughts are racing through her mind, the main one being, and that it wasn't Helen's own inclination to come after her. Thomas dumped her and then she came running, Nikki cannot believe this. Helen can tell by the expression on Nikki's face and the fact that she's fidgeting awkwardly that this hasn't gone down well, she is about to start to explain, when Nikki surprises her by speaking first.

"Thomas dumped you?" The bitterness that tinges Nikki's voice, takes Helen by surprise, of course the statement is factually true, but not really and Helen needs to explain, she needs Nikki to let her explain, something which hasn't always been possible in the past, and she's not sure if that was down to Larkhall, or Nikki's stubbornness, she guesses she's about to find out.

"Thomas knew that I didn't love him." No reaction from Nikki. She decides to power through, once again honesty the best policy.

"I was willing to stay with him, and try to make things work, I thought it would be . . ." Helen struggled to find the correct word.

Nikki, who had listened intently so far, her heart stinging, can't help but finish her sentence for her.

"The normal thing to do." The pain in her voice is apparent.

"Yes." Helen is defiant. Determined to be completely truthful. Nikki looks about ready to bolt, Helen needs to reassure her that this gets better.

"Nikki I need you to let me explain, and then if you still want to run away you can." Nikki just nods. Helen takes a deep breath before continuing.

"I was willing to give me and Thomas a go, but my heart was never really in it. He knew that, and thankfully he ended it." Before Nikki can butt in again she quickly continues.

"And I know what you're thinking." She can read her like a book. "If he hadn't have ended it, I'd be with him right now. And you know what you'd be right."

Nikki is grateful Helen is being open with her, but this is possibly a little more honesty than she can handle, Helen can see that's she's hurting, and she hates to do this to her, but if they stand any chance, she knows she has to be completely honest.

"I'd have stayed, and it would probably have lasted a month, maybe two. Because the real truth is, although I was willing to give it a go, I was lying to myself. I tried to convince myself that I wanted him, and I didn't. I never did. And I will be forever grateful to him, for making me realise that I was lying to myself, because if I'd have waited the month or two if would have taken me to realise it myself, I might have found I was too late."

Helen takes a deep breath and looks up into Nikki's eyes, she is met by confusion. Helen takes pity and explains.

"You and Trish."

The penny drops for Nikki. The anger that has been building up inside her subsides. Helen was willing to settle for Thomas; at the same time she had been willing to settle for Trisha, she had been lying to herself as well, believing she could have a life with Trish.

"Thank you for being honest with me." The smile on Nikki's face is genuine, Helen's heart bursts. Nikki continues.

"Fresh start?" She holds her hand out to Helen, who giggles at the gesture, grabs her hand enthusiastically and instead of shaking it, she pulls Nikki towards her, Nikki erupts into a fit of giggles at Helen's action, but allows herself to be pulled onto Helen, and immediately plants her lips onto those of her lover, and through the smiles they kiss, maybe this can work out after all.

**XXXXXXXXX**

They spent the rest of the morning, just relaxing in each other's company; Nikki had become engrossed in the news channels on the TV, whilst Helen had her head stuck in paperwork, researching for one of the job interviews she had lined up.

Nikki has enjoyed doing nothing all morning, something she's not used to, but it's almost as if she's just realised that she now has a life again, she jumps up, startling Helen in the process, and just blurts out;

"I need to sort my life out."

The look of panic on Nikki's face is highly amusing for Helen, but Nikki doesn't appreciate the smirk that appears on hers.

"I'm serious Helen; I need to sort out, driver's licence, bank card, where I'm going to live. . ." Nikki starts hyperventilating slightly, it's at this point Helen realises just how overwhelming all of this is for Nikki. She jumps up off of the settee and starts to rub Nikki's arms in an attempt to calm her down.

"Hey, calm down sweetheart, we can sort all of that this afternoon." She states this in her best most soothing voice.

"We can head into the city, grab some lunch and sort your driver's licence and get a new bank card ordered. I was kinda hoping you would stay here with me, at least until you get sorted."

Helen gives Nikki her best smile. She appreciates her being there for her, its taking some getting used, all this freedom, and access to Helen, and this is only the first full day.

"Well I think we should go and see Trisha at my house before we do anything."

Helen doesn't mean to, but she can't help it, the flash of hurt is on her face before she can stop it, and Nikki doesn't miss it, her turn to be the comforter now.

"Hey, I just mean, cos all my stuff is there, ill need my passport to sort my driver's licence and the bank stuff, and if I'm going to be staying here for a while I'm going to need some more clothes, I don't think I can live out of that plastic bag for any amount of time."

This instantly cheers Helen up, she knows she was being stupid, it's so nice, to have a chance to explain, and not lose their mind to insecurities like they would have in prison.

"Right, well go and get dressed, first stop Trisha's, then lunch in town, I might even take you on the millennium wheel."

Nikki was just heading towards the bedroom, when Helen's last comment stops her in her tracks.

"The millennium what?"

Helen just laughs, "Get dressed Wade."

Helen is really going to enjoy helping integrating Nikki back into society. Her own personal rehabilitation programme.

**XXXXXXXXX**

Helen pulls up outside, what was, well technically still is Nikki and Trisha's home. And if she wasn't so intimidated, she would be suitably impressed, a town house in North Kensington. Nikki and Trisha had bought it before prices in this area rocketed; she guessed it was probably worth in the millions now.

She had always had the power in Larkhall whether she had wanted it or not, Helen hadn't really realised quite how well off Nikki was, she wonders how this will affect the dynamic of their relationship, Helen as much as she didn't like to admit it, doesn't really like being out of control.

She is pulled from her thoughts by Nikki tapping on the car window, and pulling a face that says 'are you coming or what?' this immediately make Helen grin again, she's been doing a lot of that lately. She jumps out of the car and joins Nikki at the front door; it seems strange to her when Nikki just lets herself in, without knocking.

Trisha is pottering around the kitchen when they enter; they had called ahead and told her they were coming round so she was making tea. Trish greets them both warmly.

"You ladies have a good catch up?" She can't help the smirk that plays on her lips. The sheepish look on both Helen and Nikki's faces confirms that of course they did.

Nikki quickly changes the subject. "Did you dig out my passport for me?"

"It's on the counter there, along with all your bank account details, you'll just need to get a new card." She gestures at the bundle of documents on the side.

"Thanks Trish." She kisses her on the cheek, before running out of the kitchen, whilst still talking, "I'm just gunna grab some clothes."

Then there were two, Helen who had followed Nikki with her eyes, turns her attention to Trisha, who gives her a confident smile whilst nursing her newly made cup of tea. Helen becomes very aware that it is now just the two of them. She's a little intimidated, by the home, the grandeur of it, and the fact that it was their relationship home. She feels overwhelmed, and its obvious to Trisha, the evil side of her would love to watch Helen squirm, but she decides for Nikki sake to be nice.

"We only paid three hundred thousand for it you know?"

Helen is genuinely shocked. "For the house? Seriously? It must be worth ten times that now."

"Twenty times." Trisha laughs, and Helen smiles two, feeling a little more relaxed.

"We worked hard for everything we've got, the house the club." The mood turns a little more serious. "She's not some rich kid, who's had it all handed to her. She is the person you met inside."

Helen can't help but really like Trish, and although she feels slightly better she's still freaking out a little.

"What now?" She looks around the beautiful kitchen as she says it; Trisha knows she's referring to everything she and Nikki have together.

"I dunno, half of everything is Nikki's. She can do what she wants with it. I don't know what that means for this house." Trisha feels a little sorrow at this, as much as she loves the house, this was always her and Nikki's home, and now that's firmly over, she really couldn't envisage herself staying here.

Helen has become lost in her own thoughts. Nikki had a whole life before Larkhall, Helen can't believe this is the first time she is realising this. She really has thrown a spanner in the works, not just for Trisha and Nikki's personal relationship, but now they aren't getting back together, they have nine years worth of assets to divide, something that probably won't be easy, legally or emotionally, and she as well as Nikki and Trisha will have to be prepared for this.

Nikki is slightly worried when she returns to the kitchen and greeted by silence, she pops her head round the kitchen door, to find her two favourite women deep in thought, at least they haven't killed each other.

"Is everything okay?"

This pulls the two of them from their thoughts, but neither has really heard the question, so they just stare blankly at Nikki, who burst out laughing, leaving Helen and Trish a little perplexed.

"You ready to go?"

Helen just nods and follows Nikki out of the room; they both give a quick goodbye to Trish and intimate they will be back later to have a more serious chat. Helen can't help but think that this could all get a lot more complicated. Prison certainly had its downsides, but wow was life a lot simpler in there.

**XXXXXXXXX **


	3. Chapter 3

**Bad Girls and its characters are property of Shed Productions. No copyright violations intended.**

Helen and Nikki had an excellent afternoon in London, they had stopped for lunch first at this small restaurant by the Thames, Nikki loved it, Helen had an inkling she would, and was so relieved when it turned out she did. She had started to wonder if she knew the real Nikki at all, such were the revelations of the last 24 hours or so.

They had sorted all of the menial tasks within about an hour, although it took a little longer as they got sidetracked in the photo booth, whilst getting Nikki an up to date passport photo for her driver's licence. They ended up with a photo for the licence, and about 3 different strips worth of funny faces, and kisses. They knew it was pretty childish, but this is the kind of thing they would never have had the chance to do inside.

They had then headed to the bank, Helen's eyes nearly popped out when she saw Nikki's bank balance. Nikki just shrugged her shoulders, three years of untouched profits from the club, meant she was more than a little 'well off.' This again just widened the imaginary gap Helen had created not just between them, but between the Nikki she had known inside Larkhall, and the Nikki she was now getting to know on the outside. Again Helen feels almost inferior, unworthy.

Helen was significantly quieter immediately after leaving the bank, something which didn't go unnoticed by Nikki, but she really was at a loss as to what she could do, she can't help the fact that she's wealthy. Of all the problems she envisaged her and Helen having, she never imagined money would come between them.

They spent the remainder of the afternoon, just strolling around London, Helen filling Nikki in on all the things that had happened in the city, and although she had seen the London Eye on the TV in prison, the sheer size of it in real life had amazed Nikki. Helen loved being there to see Nikki's wonderment; she racked her brain to think of anything else that had happened in the last three years that might draw the same reaction. The awkwardness that had ensued after their visit to the bank, although not forgotten by either party, was well and truly put to one side for the rest of the day.

They drove back to Helen's flat in a comfortable silence, both lost in their own thoughts, although neither of them knew it, they were both drawing very similar conclusions; making their relationship work, is going to be seriously hard graft. But both of them want to die trying. As they exit the car and make their way to the front door, they both look up to see what will inevitably be the next problem they have to tackle. Thomas Waugh, sitting on the doorstep.

Helen's heart sinks, things are hard enough at the moment without him trying to throw a spanner in the works. Nikki feels a familiar foe rising in her chest, the same sickening feeling she got when Helen had her dalliance with Dominic; Jealousy.

Thomas to be fair to him has the decency to look mortified, he obviously hadn't thought Helen would go chasing her heart quite so quickly, it had only been three nights ago, he'd told Helen she was lying to herself.

Nikki can't stand the tension, and decides this is the last thing she needs, she grabs the keys from Helen's hands and heads towards the front door, side stepping the good Doctor in the process.

"I'll give you two some privacy."

Helen panics. "You don't have to."

"It's fine." Nikki gives her the most genuine smile and she knows, it really is fine. Helen appreciates this. Nikki nods at Thomas just to acknowledge that he's there more than anything else. He speaks as he rises from his sitting position.

"Congratulations Nikki, I heard you got out." He smiles, he too seems genuine enough. Nikki just gives him a small smile before disappearing inside. When he turns to face Helen, he is not greeted by a smile, or by any particularly welcome expression.

Helen is not one to beat around the bush. "What do you want Thomas?"

Ouch, she is clearly in no mood for games or pleasantries. "Nice to see you too." Thomas laughs as he says it, Helen still in no frame of mind for small talk just sighs exasperated.

Thomas decides he better get straight to the point. "Well I came, because I thought I might have been a little bit hasty the other night. But clearly I was right on the money."

Helen decides he deserves the truth, he did nothing but treat her fairly while they were together.

"You were right about me and Nikki. I owe it to myself to try and make things work with her."

"So you love her?" He says it matter of a factly.

"Yes. I always have." Helen states this with defiance, although the last thing she wants to do is hurt him, she definitely doesn't want to give him any false hope to hang onto.

"So you never loved me?"

Helen is starting to get a little fed up of this conversation. "Thomas I never once told you that I did."

Thomas catches the edge to her voice, and decides he better not aggravate her anymore.

"Right well, in that case, I left my watch here I think."

He did leave his watch and a few other bits, Helen had collected them and put them in a box by the front door, without saying a word, she goes and retrieves the box, and hands it straight to him, with a small apologetic smile on her face. Thomas knows this is definetly over, nothing he can say will change her mind.

"Right, well I guess I'll see you around, maybe."

"Yeah maybe."

Thomas dejectedly skulks off, and Helen quickly makes her way inside, worried about the reaction she'll receive from Nikki, the Nikki she knew inside would probably exploded into a jealous rage.

Nikki however has managed to swallow the jealously, and keep it at bay. Helen finds her in the kitchen; worryingly her coat is still on.

"Are you not staying?" She gestures to Nikki's coat.

"No." Nikki feels strange, she doesn't feel jealous, well certainly not the jealous frenzy she has felt previously, but she needs to get away, just for a while, just to get her head straight.

"I'm going to go back to my house. Trish and I have a lot to discuss. About the house and the business." She knows Helen will know that's not the only reason she's leaving, and because of that she can't look her in the face as she speaks.

Now it's Helen's turn to feel jealous, her heart feels heavy, it actually aches in her chest, she feels tired and emotional, and is fighting to keep her composure.

"Is this because of Thomas?" Its barely a whisper as it leaves her lips. Nikki looks up, and immediately regrets her decision when she sees the look on Helen's face.

"No, of course not, there's just a lot I've got to sort out." She smiles, and gently kisses Helen on the lips.

"I'll try and get back here later." Helen had pulled Nikki into a hug when she kissed her, and was currently buried in the crook of her neck.

"Promise?" Nikki embraces her back willingly.

"I promise."

And with that she leaves the kitchen, and then the flat, as Helen hears the latch click on the front door, the wall that had been keeping her emotions in check crumbles down, and what starts as a few tears quickly turns into heart wrenching sobs. She wishes this wasn't so hard, the only thing keeping her going, is her unwavering certainty that everything will be alright in the end.

**XXXXXXXXX**

Trisha had been surprised when her doorbell, had rung at 7pm, and even more surprised when she opened it to see Nikki. Mainly because she had a key. Nikki had made some feeble excuse about not wanting to interrupt anything. Trisha knew something was wrong, it was obvious, but she said nothing. That was about 15 minutes ago; they were now both sitting at the island in the kitchen nursing cups of tea, in comfortable silence.

The suspense gets to Trisha. "So are you gunna tell me what you're doing here Nik?"

Nikki can't help teasing Trish with her reply. "I live here don't I?"

Trisha smiles, but gives Nikki a look that screams, 'you better tell me what's really going on.' Nikki sighs.

"I feel like I'm in a daze." She looks up at Trish, who urges her to continue.

"I've been out of prison for two days, and I'm elated, and I'm starting to slowly piece my life together, and I've got Helen, it's like I can see all of this stuff happening, but it's like it's happening to someone else." She can't really think of a better way to put it, she reaffirms how she feels. "I'm in a daze."

Trish just laughs. "Of course you're in a bloody daze, you been locked up for three years, it would be a big adjustment for anyone."

Nikki simply smiles; she supposes it is quite an overwhelming time in her life.

"You need to stop over thinking everything, and just enjoy it while it's new. Soon life will be completely normal again, and you'll be bored."

"Well not completely normal." Nikki tries her best to put a smile on her face, Trisha can tell all is not okay.

"Do you want to tell me what's brought this on?" Trisha hates seeing Nikki like this, she knows it's more than likely Helen related, and as much as this is still a pretty raw subject for her, she will always be there for Nikki, always.

"She's been acting weird since we came round here earlier today." Trisha of course knows the 'she' Nikki is referring to is Helen.

"Try and see things from her point of view Nik."

Nikki's jaw drops, the last thing she expected Trish to do was stick up for Helen. Trisha obviously picks up on this as she bursts out laughing at Nikki's expression.

"Come on Nik, I'm not the wicked witch of the west. I want you to be happy." Trish's way of explaining just why she is sticking up for Helen, she continues.

"When you were in there." Nikki nods, knowing Trisha obviously means prison. "She had all of the power, all the control. She was the authority figure. Now you're out, and you have all this money, this beautiful house, and the club, maybe it's a bit overwhelming for her too." She states its a gently as she can.

"I guess. I'm still the same person though."

"Well then show her that." Nikki laughs, which confuses Trisha.

"What?"

"Her seeing my bank balance this afternoon probably didn't help. I nearly choked myself when I saw it."

Now it's Trisha's turn to laugh. Nikki continues. "I take it we're doing well then?"

"Really well." Trish can't help the proud grin that erupts onto her face. Nikki guesses there's no time like the present to refer to that particular elephant in the room.

"While we're on the subject." Trisha's instantly knows where there is going, and the smile drops.

"What are we going to do about the club, and about this place?" She gestures around the room, smiling wistfully.

"Well I was kinda hoping that when you're ready you would come back on board at the club." Trisha looks up, hoping for some kind of hint from Nikki.

She puts her out of her misery. "I will come back eventually. I was fine in there the other night, but I think the office will take me a little longer to conquer."

She is of course referring to the location of the attack, just thinking about it starts Nikki's heart pumping, and the sick feeling starts to rise in her chest. Trish sees this and is immediately around the island her arms straight around Nikki, trying to comfort her. It has the desired effect; Nikki's breathing reaches normal level.

"I'm alright." Trisha looks her deep in the eyes, to make sure she is being truthful, she holds her stare a little too long, and gets lost in those familiar brown orbs, that she's missed so much. Nikki can see the longing in her eyes, she knows Trisha still wants her; she looks away and repeats herself.

"I'm alright." Trisha knows this is yet another knock back from Nikki, if she wanted to she could have kissed her then, she obviously didn't want to. She moves back round to her side of the island, and continues as if nothing has happened.

"Take as long as you need Nik." The emotion is evident in her voice. Nikki hates what she's doing to Trish. However inadvertent it is. Trisha seems to have become lost in her own thoughts, but it appears she is going to share them with Nikki.

"I'm gunna sell the house Nik." She looks at Trisha with slight confusion. She starts to explain.

"This is our home. I couldn't live here without you, and I'd like to think that you couldn't live here without me."

Nikki hadn't really thought about this, but now Trish has brought it up, she's right, this was their place, and she could never live here with Helen or anyone else for that matter.

"I couldn't." Nikki confirms for Trish that her last statement was in fact correct. Trisha ploughs on.

"So I say we sell the house, split the proceeds 50/50. I've already got my eye on this beautiful place a little closer to the club."

"Wow you have been making plans." Nikki is a little taken aback.

"I have, I've already got the estate agent coming round next week to value the place." Trish sighs. "I love you Nik. But I knew me and you weren't gunna work, even before you got out. Then Helen came along. You two belong together."

Nikki shakes her head, not sure she believes Trish. "Hey listen, Helen is the one for you, I've seen how you light up when you're with her, you just need to give it time. It's a big adjustment for both of you, not just you."

This seems to get through to Nikki, she had been so busy worrying about the daze she's been in, she hadn't stopped to think that maybe Helen was in one of her own; of course this was affecting her as much. Nikki's life had turned upside down the last few days, but so had Helens. Trisha breaks her from her thoughts.

"You better be getting back to her."

Nikki glances at her watch, its past nine now, more than anything else she wants to get back to Helen, her chat with Trish has certainly lifted part of the haze, she longs to hold Helen in her arms. Without saying a word, she pulls Trish into a hug, and kisses her on top of her head.

"I love you too."

Trisha smiles. She knows her and Nikki, and even Helen are going to get through this and be the best of friends, and that's enough for her. Nikki releases herself and smiles. Then proceeds to let herself out and make her way to Helen's. Make her way home.

**XXXXXXXXX**

Helen had retreated into a bottle of wine, she'd had a couple of glasses so far, whilst watching trashy TV, although she hadn't absorbed any of what was on, her brain was full of thoughts of Nikki. The wine had helped calm her down, and the tears had stopped. She longed for Nikki; she's silently praying she does make it back tonight. It seems her prayers have been answered when she hears the key turning in the front door.

A few seconds later Nikki pops her head round the living door, and smiles at the sight in front of her, Helen looks cute, curled up on the sofa in her dressing gown sipping her glass of wine. Helen glances up and can't help but return the smile on Nikki's face.

"Hey you." Helen says it so sweetly, Nikki melts, god she loves this woman so much. She makes a deal with herself there and then that she will give her all to make things work with her.

"Hey." She removes her jacket and jumps down on the sofa, next to Helen, still grinning like a Cheshire cat. Helen starts to wonder if she's drunk, Nikki can tell Helen thinks she's in a weird mood, so decides to explain what's put the smile onto her face.

"I'm completely in love with you." This takes Helen by surprise, the emotion from earlier in the evening comes back with a vengeance, and a lump quickly forms in her throat. Nikki can see the effect that simple statement has had on Helen, and it makes her feel alive. She continues.

"And I am going to do everything to make this work. Okay?" Helen can't speak she just nods, and places her wine glass on the table, then puts a hand on either side of Nikki's face and pulls her in to an amazing emotion filled kiss, so much so that a lump starts to form in Nikki's throat too. The kiss appears to have helped Helen regain her composure. And she has now recaptured the ability of speech.

"I love you too, sweetheart." Both women are now grinning like idiots. "What on earth happened at Trisha's?"

"I realised that time is a commodity that I now have in abundance. That we've got time to figure this out and make it work."

Helen grins, her worries from earlier in the evening evaporating. Nikki keeps going.

"That it's not gunna be an easy adjustment for either of us. But it will be so worth it." Then Nikki adds the practical things that happened at Trisha's almost as an aside. "Oh and we've decide that I'm going to stay on at the club, eventually, and that were selling the house."

That was quite a lot of information for Helen to take in. "Are you okay with all of that?"

"Yeah. It will take a while for me to be okay in the club, but other than that, it's worked out just perfect."

"What about you and Trisha?" Helen had to admit she had let her thoughts run a little wild in the last few hours, wondering what Nikki and Trisha were getting up to, all silly, she hopes.

"I love Trisha, and she is still going to be a big part of my life. And I need you to be okay with that."

Without a seconds hesitation Helen responds. "I will be." Nikki is comforted by the speed at which Helen responds. Time for Helen to drop another question in there.

"What about us? Are we going to be okay?"

Nikki sighs, her initial reaction is to just blurt out 'god I hope so.' But she doesn't want to panic Helen.

"My head is all over the place." This panic's Helen, so much for not wanting to! "And it is going to take time for me to fully get used to being free, and on top of that, fully get used to you actually wanting to be with me in the real world."

This makes Helen frown, but before she can but in and say anything, Nikki finishes.

"But if I'm certain of one thing above all the rest, it's that we're going to be okay. Better than okay."

Helen releases the breath she's been holding. Relief. Nikki is of course right, she knows it will be a tough ride, but they both want to make it worth more than anything else. And that will be thought she clings onto when things inevitably get gloomy in the future. Future, something they can now begin to seriously contemplate.

**XXXXXXXXX**


	4. Chapter 4

**Bad Girls and its characters are property of Shed Productions. No copyright violations intended.**

It has been a week since Nikki Wade left Larkhall for good. Seven solitary days. After almost four years inside, she was now completely free, and more than that, she had the woman of her dreams, Helen Stewart. Things this good just don't happen to her, or at least they hadn't seemed to in recent history. It was certainly taking some getting used to.

She can't get used to it. She is lying staring at the ceiling, in Helen's bed, their bed. She can hear the rise and fall of her lover's chest beside her; it's a sound she could listen to for all eternity. She pulls the cover round her, snug, warm, comforting. Complete opposite to the damp cold stale air she had occupied.

But she can't get used to it, she feels restless. She looks over at the clock, 12.25am, she glances towards the window, the curtains slightly open, it is of course dark, but the light from the street lamps is illuminating the shadowy bedroom. She sneaks out of the bed trying not to disturb Helen, and heads for the window and looks out, over into the park at the other side of the road. It wasn't much, a few trees, green grass, but compared to the car park chic on view from her cell in Larkhall, it was like looking into a Monet Landscape.

Helen had been woken by the draft of cold air that had crept into the bed, when Nikki departed. She watched as her lover tentatively made her way over to the window, and watched her face illuminate as she takes in the scene before her. Helen quietly slips out of bed, and creeps up behind Nikki, placing her arms around her waist and her chin on her shoulder, and joins her in taking in the view. She chuckles when Nikki is startled by her touch, and her heart rate escalating under her touch, makes her feel alive.

"Do you want to go out?"

Nikki is taken aback, firstly that Helen has spoken at all, and secondly at her actual words. She's confused.

"What, now?" The quizzical look on her face almost makes Helen laugh out loud.

"Yeah. Why not, there's nothing stopping us, is there?"

Nikki smiles as she gets the importance of Helen's words, it still comes as a surprise to her that she can do whatever she wants, whenever she wants, within reason of course. And right now, she would love nothing more than to stroll round this very park, outside this very window, with this very wonderful woman in tow.

"Okay."

Helen loves this, she loves that she's here to share all of this with Nikki, she grins and quickly starts hunting for some warm clothes, Nikki watches her intently for a moment, with pure love, and then quickly joins her in the scramble for clothes.

**XXXXXXXXX**

It was a little chillier than expected, but they had equipped themselves well with hats, scarf's and gloves, they had essentially played in the park, walking joking, laughing, simply enjoying each other's company. There had been no heavy relationship talk, no worries about the future, just them, Helen and Nikki.

They did a lap of the park, then Nikki, spotted a play park, and ran over like an over excited child, Helen rolls her eyes playfully, but runs over to the park just as quickly as Nikki had just moments before. When she gets over to her, Nikki has already sat herself in one of the swings. Helen starts to push her, and they get lost in the moment, it's like they've suddenly become embroiled in a competition, to see just how high she can go.

After getting to quite an altitude, with Helen's help as chief pusher, they had both burst into fits of giggles. Life is good. Is past one in the morning, and they are playing on park swings, it blows Nikki's mind, and she loves it, and she loves Helen for being a part of it. For accommodating her every whim, and for understanding how big, these 'small' things are to her.

Helen moves round to the front of the swing and steadies herself by putting a hand on each of the chains, she catches the thoughtful look on Nikki's faces, and raises her eyebrow, quizzically.

"What are you thinking Wade?"

Nikki loves it when Helen is playful with her, which she is clearly being now; the use of her surname is evidence of that. She snaps out of her thoughts and feels her face break into a massive smile, one which is instantly replicated on Helen's face.

"I was just thinking how unbelievably lucky I am."

If possible this makes Helen's smile even wider, she can't help but play a little more, she tries to suppress her smile a little, but fails miserably, but tries her best to look serious, like what she's about to say is a legitimate question.

"Oh yeah? Whys that then?"

Nikki just smirks back, and decides not to dignify that with an answer. Instead she lifts slightly from the seat of the swing and takes Helen's lips in her own, and they stand there like that, lost in the moment, kissing like teenagers. It's only the great British weather that stops them, as large orbs of rain start to descend onto their heads. Helen can feel Nikki smiling into her lips, she reluctantly pulls back, they both look up to the heavens and burst out laughing, before instantly running like school children as fast as they can back into the flat.

**XXXXXXXXX**

Last night had been amazing, possibly Nikki's favourite night since she obtained freedom, simply because it signified her freedom so well. Life has been good in the last few days, Nikki and Helen both seem to embrace the 'live now, worry later' philosophy in life. They had been shopping for clothes, browsing for a new car, and generally just living life, but they had been very careful to make it just them. It was as if nobody else existed. They had enjoyed living in their bubble, but they're both adult to realise that real life would soon be back with a vengeance.

That day seems to be approaching, they had woken up that morning, to a letter confirming that Helen had in fact gotten an interview for one of the jobs she'd applied for, they were both pretty astounded, as it was a job in Area Management. Helen liked the look of the job, and it's something she knows she would really be able to get her teeth into, but after the covert way she left Larkhall, with no so much as an explanation as to why she was resigning, and of course the small matter of a sexual abuse allegation against Jim Fenner, she never realistically thought she would ever get an interview. But she was definitely excited about it.

Another slap round the face reality wise was an answer phone message from Trisha, informing Nikki that they needed to talk, she has apparently had the house valued, and now for the first time in 4 years, Nikki has an adult decision to make. It seems after the last few days of just enjoying life in a child like manner; Nikki and Helen, for that matter are going to have quite a few adult decisions to make.

**XXXXXXXXX**

Nikki has decided to bite the bullet, she has left Helen at home preparing for her interview which is the day after tomorrow, and has just walked through the door of the house she shared with Trisha, she finds the diminutive blonde in her favourite place, the kitchen, perched at the island, flicking through a magazine. She looks up and a genuine smile appears on her face as Nikki enters the kitchen.

"Alright Nik. You got my message then?"

"Yeah I thought I'd come and get the good news in person."

Trisha can barely contain her excitement, she practically squeals, Nikki can't help but grin at her enthusiasm, obviously something has her animated, she nearly falls off of her chair as she gushes;

"Oh Nik, its great news." Nikki can't help but smile, it seems Trish is so excited, she's actually forgotten to share what the 'great news' is.

"Are you gunna keep me in suspense all morning?"

"Seven Million."

"Excuse me?" Nikki really has no idea what she is on about.

"That's what the agent thinks we should put this place on the market for, reckons we should get about six and half for it."

Nikki sits down on the nearest stool, she has to, a gust of wind could have knocked her over there and then.

"I can't believe it." It's barely a whisper, she is genuinely in shock.

"Well it took me a long time to get my head round it too."

Nikki can't help but voice the first concern that comes into her mind, her mind which is still fuzzy with confusion.

"Helen's going to have a fit."

The smile quickly disappears from Trisha's face. "What? What are you on about?"

"You know how she was with money before."

"Have you two not sorted that out? I've not seen you for a week Nik, I just assumed, you two had been talking?" Trish is concerned for her friend now, when she heard the valuation, all she could think about was the next property she was going to buy interior design and paint samples. It worries her that Nikki's first concern is what detrimental effect it might have on her relationship.

"We've been doing the exact opposite. Hiding. Living life in the moment."

Nikki has gone into a kind of trance now, she starts to worry. She and Helen have had the most amazing few days, but now it seems reality will be back to bite them, full force. What with Nikki's windfall from the house, Helen going back to work, Nikki going back to work even. Not for the first time since her release, Nikki's mouth goes dry with panic. Can their relationship survive in the real world, because truthfully, that's something that it's never had to do in the past?

**XXXXXXXXX**


	5. Chapter 5

**Bad Girls and its characters are property of Shed Productions. No copyright violations intended.**

Nikki left her old house, quite soon after Trisha revealed the extent of their joint wealth, she couldn't bring herself to go home, such is the worry she has about Helen's reaction. She instead finds herself driving towards the club, its mid afternoon at the moment; she knows Trish won't be heading to set up for at least a few hours yet.

She is driving Helen's car at the moment, although she had been looking into buying a car, she hadn't settled on a particular one yet, she wondered if subconsciously this is because she is scared about what make and model she would choose, would Helen have an issue if she chose a 'fancy car'. Or was all this worrying she was doing about Helen just that, worry. Who's to say Helen would react badly at all, maybe all this concern and confusion was for nothing.

She parked Helen's Peugeot in the Chix car park, and headed straight for the side entrance, where the staff always enter. She pulls out her set of keys. Trisha had given them back to her as soon as she was released; she had been so excited when she handed them over, hopeful of a future she and Nikki could share. That was a little over a week ago, how things had changed since then.

But the excitement is still there for Nikki, as she looks down and thumbs over the keys in her hand, full of possibility. She is a business woman, and a bloody good one at that. These keys signify her future. She cannot wait to get back into the club, in a professional capacity. The first step towards that, she hopes she will be taking in the next few moments. She exhales deeply, and turns the key in the lock before letting herself in.

She walks out into the main area of the club; it's been a while since she's been in here when it's been completely empty. It feels strange, the club seems smaller somehow. Its dark at the moment, the main light is coming from behind the bar, this is where she heads to next, it's a long sweeping bar, she smiles to herself, as she leans against it. Trisha has done such a good job with this place, its completely different to how it was when she was sent down. Trish had completely redecorated, she had to. It's a million times better now.

She settles on a bar stool, just taking in her surroundings, still not entirely sure what enticed her here in the first place, other than not really wanting to speak to Helen, but she could have gone anywhere. Why here? Then the doorway to the office catches her eye. It's across the dance floor, just a normal brown door. Nothing special about it.

But the sight of it makes Nikki sick to her stomach. Her breathing becomes more ragged, and her heart starts beating faster. Without even realising she has hopped off the stool, and is slowly making her way towards the door, she is almost transfixed, she can't look away, can't even blink. The closer she gets the dryer her throat gets. She has no control over her legs; they just continue to take her closer and closer.

When she finally reaches the door, she swallows, and realises just how dry her throat is. She reaches out and places her palm flat on the door; she makes no attempt to open it, just rests her hand on the door, and closes her eyes. She is taken back in time to that fateful day over four years ago now. The visions in her head as clear today as they were then.

She had gone upstairs to change her top, due to one of the late night revellers having had one too many, and throwing up all over, she had made sure everyone had vacated the premises, at least she thought she had. She skipped down the stairs, happy, glad to be going home soon. When she entered the bar area and Trisha was nowhere to be seen she assumed she was in the office, putting the night's takings in the safe. She wasn't prepared for what she saw when she opened the door. This door, the very same one she has her hand firmly placed on right now, all these years later.

And it's instantly too much for Nikki; she turns around and exits the bar, at top speed. She locks the side door behind her and then leans against it. It's at this point she realises she has tears streaming down her face. It seems it could still be a little while before she's fully ready to come back to work.

**XXXXXXXXX**

Nikki had left for Trisha's hours ago, Helen assumed from the answer phone message left by the blonde earlier in the day, that she had some news regarding the house. Helen is starting to worry a little now, Nikki still hadn't come home, but more than that, she hadn't called or anything. Again she can't help the prang of jealously she feels when she thinks about her lover spending the whole afternoon with her ex lover.

Helen doesn't understand what's going in her head. She has never been jealous, ever. She actually counts herself as quite confident, and that the person she's with should be proud to be with her, and wouldn't do anything to jeopardise that, and that had certainly always been the case, she had never been cheated on and never really felt insecure. Until now. She simply can't explain it, at least now she knows how Nikki felt, when she was worrying about her and Dominic.

This horrible jealously that has consumed her along with her reaction to Nikki's wealth, which had taken her be surprise as well as Nikki, really has her head spinning. She feels like her insides are all twisted up, she feels sick, and she hates herself for it. She needs to get to the bottom of it, before it completely ruins her relationship. She has loved the last few days, but she knows they have both had their heads in the sand.

She has been preparing for her interview all afternoon, after a bit of research she realised that due to her previous experience in Larkhall she could do the job with her eyes closed, especially with her work on the Lifers Unit, this job was primarily based around getting prisoners who are approaching their release date, ready for freedom, to try and decrease reoffending. The job excites her, but she knows the hardest part of the interview will be trying to explain why she left Larkhall in the way she did, and convince them that she is capable of working there again, as this role covers all woman offenders in London and the surrounding areas.

If she gets the job, she will no doubt have to disclose her relationship with Nikki, if she actually still has one, by that time. An afternoon, of thinking combined with Nikki's disappearance, had really put Helen in a terrible mood. She couldn't really face anything, any sort of confrontation today. Although it's only just after 7.30pm, she decides to head for bed, her main plan of action was to just get this interview out of the way, then tackle everything else. Truth is she needs to talk to someone, someone who isn't Nikki. Nikki has Trisha to speak to, Helen needs something similar, and she knows exactly the person. Claire. Happy with her plan, she drifts off into an awkward slumber, only stirring when Nikki crawls into the bed hours later.

**XXXXXXXXX**

The next day passed in a blur, there was a strange tension between the two of them, but neither mentioned it, mindful of Helen's interview in the morning. They managed to get through the day, at times with gritted teeth, but they did it.

And now Helen has just stepped out of her Interview, and is on route to meet Claire, her solicitor pal who she has been friends with since their University days, the friend she had entrusted with Nikki's appeal. The friend she trusted the most in the world. She's happy they have decided to have a liquid lunch, it's a Friday afternoon, and Claire has managed to waggle a half day at work, she they will have the whole afternoon, and the evening if the mood takes them, to talk.

Helen confidently strides into the bar, she feels almost excited, she really believes having the opportunity to talk, to says the things she's feeling out loud will help her immensely. But that will come in time, she hasn't actually told Claire about her and Nikki, as far as she's aware, she's still with Thomas. She spies Claire immediately, and practically runs towards her; she can't help the smile that appears on her face. Claire instantly reciprocates, and rises from her feet to greet her friend.

"Where's that gorgeous boyfriend of yours?" Claire didn't want to beat around the bush, she could tell from Helen's voice on the phone the other day that she desperately needed to talk, and it was almost certainly down to her love life.

Helen smiles ruefully, perhaps this wasn't going to be as easy as first anticipated. She quickly ordered a bottle of wine with the passing waiter, which Claire quirked her eyebrows at, Helen ignores the sideways glance she gets from her friend and just removes her coat and plonks herself down in the chair opposite Claire.

"Well where to start?" The thing is Helen really doesn't know where to start, she looks over at her friend for inspiration, she just stares back at her with an amused look on her face.

"Well, how about you start by answering my question." The smile doesn't leave Claire's face as she speaks, and the cheeky grin on Helen's face right now makes her believe this could turn into quite the session, a good old catch up, like back in their Uni days.

"Thomas and I split up." Helen decided to get that particular bombshell out of the way early doors. Although Claire didn't seem too surprised.

"Oh." Claire can't help the grin that accompanies her reaction. Of course she had inkling that Helen and Thomas had split up, she also had an inkling why, she decides to let Helen know, she kind of has an idea of what's going on.

"Did you manage to find Nikki the other week?" Helen had called Claire who had informed her Scottish friend about the party at Chix, she chances a look up at Helen, to see if she has realised the significance of her words, and she can't help but laugh out loud at the expression on Helen's face.

"I'll take that as a yes then." It's about all she can manage through her laughter.

Helen quickly composes herself, helped greatly by the arrival of the wine to the table, she takes a sip, surely Claire couldn't know about her and Nikki.

She eyes Claire suspiciously as she carefully considers her next words, although if Claire's actions so far are anything to go by, the revelation of her and Nikki's relationship won't be that much of a revelation after all.

"I did find her actually."

"Happy to see you was she?" Claire decides to play it coy, she knew as soon has Helen had asked her to help with Nikki's appeal there was more to it. Helen always took her work very seriously, but she had never gone to the extent to get involved in someone's appeal, not that involved anyway. She knew as soon as she saw them together at Larkhall, the sideways glances the looks of pure love they gave each other, did Helen really think she was that stupid. Truth be told she was surprised when Helen had introduced her to Thomas, she guessed she would have it all explained at some point, and it seems that time has arrived.

The quizzical look doesn't leave Helen's face. She can't cope with dancing around the issue anymore; she decides to just confirm what Claire is obviously thinking.

"So I take it you know me and Nikki are together?"

"Yes." The smile momentarily leaves Claire's face, but it is only for a split second. Helen's reaction ensures it returns immediately.

"Well how the bloody hell do you know that." Helen is genuinely shocked.

Once again through laughter, Claire manages a few words. "Because it's bloody obvious, you goon."

She gets serious, she knows that's not the only bombshell Helen has called her to drop, or at the very least it's not the full story.

"I take it there's trouble in paradise?" Again a look of surprise hits Helen's face, Claire doesn't laugh this time though.

Helen really is confused, how does Claire know so much, surely she doesn't give herself away that much?! "Have you been spying on me?"

Claire stifles a smile. "Come on Hel's, I know you've called me here for a reason, and I don't think this little coming out party is the only reason. Is it?"

She emphasises the last two words, time to stop playing, she is worried about her friend, and the current expression on Helen's face is telling her she is right to be worried.

Helen knows she needs to talk, that is what she brought Claire here for after all. But she just doesn't really know where to start, she feels a little embarrassed, she knows all the issues between her and Nikki are mainly down to her.

"I'm just finding it really hard to adjust." The words fall from Helen's mouth as barely a whisper, and as she says them she instantly feels her eyes filling up, and a lump jumps into her throat.

Claire reaches over and strokes her friend's hand. "Well why don't you tell me all about it."

"It's just so stupid." Helen sighs, her heart heavy.

"Hey. This is me okay. Just tell me everything."

Helen nods her head, and takes a deep breath. "I guess I just thought that because we love each other so much, everything else would just fall into place. It just hasn't been like that, everything has been so difficult."

"Why do you think it's been so hard?" Claire's solicitor brain jumps in momentarily.

"I really don't know when it's just the two of us, its fine. But when the real world starts to creep in, everything seems to go wrong."

"Maybe that's because the real world is something the two of you have never had to deal with before."

"Maybe, but I'm feeling things that I've never felt before. Insane jealousy and I don't know how to cope with how rich she is."

Claire bursts out laughing, she almost feels bad when she sees how serious Helen is being. "My, my, my. It seems Helen Stewart is human after all."

Helen can't help but laugh a little. "Claire I'm serious, should it be this hard?"

"Absolutely." This gets Helen's attention. "That's how you know it's worth it in the end."

They spent the next few hours catching up and chatting mostly about Nikki. By the end of the evening Claire was convinced that Nikki and Helen belong together, and Helen feels a lot better about things, just for talking them through and actually saying the words out loud. Now she just needs to talk to Nikki, but she's feeling a lot more positive.

**XXXXXXXXX**


	6. Chapter 6

**Bad Girls and its characters are property of Shed Productions. No copyright violations intended.**

Nikki has decided to loiter at the club tonight, Helen called earlier, and she's still out with Claire, and sounded more than a little tipsy, so Nikki wanted to be in the city in case she needs her. Its relatively early still, the club is open, but it's not at all busy yet, that will change soon. Friday is one of the busiest days.

Nikki had helped Trisha set up, stocked the fridges, sorted the cellar out, and made sure everyone was good to go basically when it does start to get busy. She'd also been introduced to the new staff, she didn't know any of them, it didn't surprise her that none of the previous staff were still around, bar staff turnover is quite high anyway, and in the circumstances surrounding this particular club it stands to reason that no one besides Trisha is still around from four years ago.

She's been quite pleased with how well she's coped, she and Trish had slipped seamlessly back into the old routine. She is currently sitting at the end of the bar; Trish is putting the last few touches to behind the bar.

"Do you want a drink Nik?" She looks up as she says it, and instantly see's the smile on Nikki's face. She looks lost in thought, Trish can't help but mirror Nikki's smile.

Without waiting for an answer from Nikki, she opens a bottle of beer and plonks it down in front of the tall woman, this seems to bring Nikki from her reverie, she looks quizzically, first at the bottle and then at Trish.

"To celebrate your first night back at the club." She states nonchalantly.

"I'm not officially back yet?"

"Nik, you've helped my set up the entire club, you've been here for hours, it's a pretty good first step. One that I'd like to drink to."

Nikki smiles, she had been so busy helping Trisha with everything, that she hadn't actually realised that they had got everything done, she was right though, she had been there for hours, and the panic that had consumed her last time she was here hadn't surfaced once. Now that is something to drink to.

"Well alright then." She smiles and clinks her beer with the one Trisha had just got for herself.

They hear commotion at the main entrance, and a smile immediately hits both their faces, when they see Helen and Claire stumble through the door, giggling like school girls, arms linked. Helen instantly sees Nikki at the end of the bar and strides over; she plants a small kiss on her lips, and then pulls back with an adorable smile on her face. Nikki can't stifle the laugh.

"You, Helen Stewart, are drunk."

"Nooooooooo." It's almost half a word and half a laugh as Helen says it. Nikki just laughs and looks past Helen to Claire.

"Hi Claire, good to see you again." They give each other a brief hug.

"You remember Trisha from court?" Nikki gestures over to the blonde still standing behind the bar.

"Of course." She shakes Trisha's hand over the bar.

"Right you lot, go and grab yourself a booth up in VIP, and I'll send a waitress up with some drinks for you."

Nikki begins to protest. "Trish, I'm helping remember."

"Baby steps Nik, you've done more than enough already. Go and enjoy yourself."

Trish winks at Nikki, and she loves her for being so understanding. She shows Helen and Claire to the VIP section, this could turn out to be an excellent evening.

**XXXXXXXXX**

The overriding sound in the Wade-Stewart household this morning is of Alka-Seltzer tablets dropping into water, and the subsequent fizzing. It's fair to say that hangover's are the order of the morning. It had been a great night though, and they were happy that really last night had been their first actual return to the real world, they had gone out, with friends, the club was involved, and truth be told it had been a relative success.

Nikki is feeling a lot more positive about her and Helen actually working in the 'real world'. She is currently lounged on the sofa, and can't help but laugh out loud when Helen slowly trudges into the room, nursing her own glass of fizzy water. Looking a lot worse than Nikki feels, which is understandable, she was out a lot longer than she was, from lunchtime in fact. Helen isn't impressed at Nikki's chuckling.

"What's so funny Wade?"

Nikki can't help but smile. "Nothing's funny." She stifles the laughter. "I'm just incredibly happy."

Helen now can't help the smile that forms on her own face now, she joins Nikki on the couch, she downs the rest of what she hopes is her hangover cure and snuggles into the tall former lifer. Nikki accommodates her immediately and unquestionably.

Nikki knows she can't put it off any longer, and as much as she doesn't want to ruin this morning's hangover love in, she knows they really do need to talk. Helen can tell something is coming from the way Nikki exhales, she can practically hear the cogs turning in her head, she braces herself, she too knows they need to talk.

"How did the job interview go yesterday?" May as well start off simple.

Helen cringes slightly as she remembers it, truth be told it had gone really well. That was until she was asked why she had left Larkhall.

"It was alright. They asked me about Larkhall."

Nikki instantly knows that, that can't have gone well. Confirmed by Helen puffing out her cheeks and simultaneously switching positions so she's facing Nikki, who just waits for her to elaborate.

"I didn't know what to say, so I just um'd and ah'd and came up with some weak excuse, about not gelling too well with my work mates."

She shakes her head as she remembers almost embarrassed. "But other than that it was a breeze, I'm more than qualified to do the job."

Nikki smiles. She's not sure how she would feel about Helen working at Larkhall again, although she wouldn't be based there permanently like before, she would have to spend some time there. Helen watches Nikki digest the information; she has a question of her own for her.

"How did it go with Trisha?"

Nikki swallows hard, she's been dreading this moment, her heart literally sinks. "She's had the house valued."

This appears to be all she's going to offer Helen in the way of information at the moment. Helen just glares at her with a questioning expression. "And?"

"She reckons we should get about six and a half million for it." She can't bring herself to look at Helen so just hangs her head and expects the worst.

Helen's eye balls are practically on stalks. She knew the house would be worth a lot, but wow. "Oh my god."

That's strange, that squeal of oh my god from Helen, didn't sound like it was tinged with anger, it sounded full of excitement. Nikki looks up at her like she's suddenly grown a second head. Helen doesn't appear to have noticed.

"Nikki, that's amazing." It's at this point Helen seems to take in the look on Nikki's face. She immediately reminisces back to the bank situation last week and completely understands Nikki's apprehension.

"Look, I know I acted weird last week, but it was just a lot to take in, you being that well off." She is choosing her words very carefully.

"But I know I was being stupid. Nikki you worked hard for that money, you should be bloody proud."

Nikki's heart nears bursting point. Helen can tell her lover is feeling fairly emotional, so decides to try and lighten the tone a little.

"Plus I've realised that you can buy me lots of pretty things." She wiggles her eyebrows and smirk's at Nikki as she says it.

"I'll buy you anything you like."

"I'll hold you to that Nikki. I've got very expensive taste."

"And very good taste, if your taste in women is anything to go by." Now it's Nikki's turn to smirk.

"Only the best for me sweetheart." Helen leans in for a kiss. Nikki hopes that Helen really has come to terms with her wealth, but deep down she thinks the issue may rear its ugly head again in the future. But for now she puts this thought to one side, now she has another issue firmly on her mind.

The club. She had wanted to talk to someone since her episode at the club the other day. She knew she could have spoken to Trisha about it, no question. But really and truly, it was Helen she wanted to share it with, perhaps selfishly it was Helen she wanted to help her overcome it. Helen can instantly tell the playful mood from mere seconds earlier has gone, there go those cogs again. She just waits patiently, slightly worried about what subject Nikki might broach next.

"I went to the club after I went to see Trish the other day."

Okay that was the last thing Helen was expecting, she not really sure where she is going with this. Nikki see's the obvious confusion on Helen's face, and this spurs her on.

"I had like a flash back." She stumbles over her words; she's not sure how to explain it. Helen can see she's struggling; she grabs her hand and places it in her own, and gently strokes it, urging Nikki to continue. She does.

"I had a flash back to the night Trisha was attacked." Helen instantly sees the emotion return to Nikki, she knows it can't have been a pleasant memory, but she had no idea it was still affecting her this much, she squeezes Nikki's hand, letting her know she's here for her.

"It was awful, I couldn't breathe. It was like I was back there in that very moment. I ran, I just had to get away."

Tears start forming and spilling from her eyes. Helen's heart breaks, she hates that she had no clue that Nikki was going through this. She pulls her into a hug and kisses the top of her head.

"Sweet heart, it sounds like you had a panic attack." Helen can't help but voice her next sentence, it's almost like she's thinking out loud.

"You were fine in the club last night. What was different?"

Nikki looks up from her snug sanctuary, and thinks about the question Helen has posed. "I don't know, the club was empty when I was there before, but more than anything, it was the office I think. I stayed away from there last night."

"Is that where it happened?"

"Yes." Nikki feels physically sick just thinking about it.

"Have you thought about counselling?" Helen's brain snaps immediately into work mode.

Truth be told, Nikki had thought about counselling. "I'm not sure it's really for me."

Helen smiles, she love's this woman so much. "I guess we'll have to get through it together then."

Nikki smiles, that's exactly what she wanted to hear. Helen continues. "How about this afternoon, we head to the club and face your fear together?"

Nikki's a little apprehensive, and surprised by Helen's suggestion. "You really think that's a good idea?"

Without a seconds hesitation she replies. "Absolutely. Nikki, there's nothing we can't get through together."

The sincerity on Helen's face makes Nikki well up again, Helen just smiles, her girlfriend can be a soppy sod sometimes. But she genuinely believes the statement she's just made, and will stop at nothing to help Nikki. The love of her life.

**XXXXXXXXX **


	7. Chapter 7

**Yeah, so it's been quite a while. Real life getting in the way, bad real life. Anyway, hopefully the updates should be a bit more regular now! I hope this was worth the wait.**

**Bad Girls and its characters are property of Shed Productions. No copyright violations intended.**

Helen is watching Nikki like a hawk; they had followed her earlier suggestion and now find themselves in the club. Helen is leant against the bar arms folded, Nikki is next to her, looking extremely apprehensive, She hasn't looked at the door yet, she's building up to it. She doesn't want to lose it again like she did the other day, it's not because Helen's there, there's no embarrassment issue, just the feeling that coursed through her body the other day, it really wasn't nice, and she really isn't looking forward to feeling like that again.

"Are you sure you're up to doing this?" Helen can see the inner turmoil Nikki is going through, and is starting to wonder if this is a good idea after all.

Nikki just takes a deep breath and slowly lifts her head, so she comes face to face with the dreaded door. The panic rises, she knows it's silly, it's all psychological, there's nothing behind that door right now, that can cause her harm, she knows that, she holds onto this thought, as she tries to fight back the panic and nausea.

Helen sees Nikki lapse into a kind of trance, the pace of her breathing picks up rapidly, and Helen can tell she's starting to panic. She moves to her, she wants to provide comfort, but she also wants Nikki to face this.

"Tell me what you're thinking." Helen still rubbing Nikki's back to try and provide some comfort, asks the question quietly.

The question takes Nikki by surprise, she isn't really thinking anything, just feeling terror, panic, and sickness. Helen's words seem to spark her brain into gear, what is she thinking?

The words start to fall out of her mouth, she's just contemplating out loud now. Helen listens intently.

"I'm thinking about what happened that day." Nikki is confused trying to get all of her thoughts clear in her head. Helen is still providing comfort in the form of rubbing her back gently. She doesn't speak, she hopes her silence will spur Nikki on, it does.

"I'm scared. When I saw what he was doing to Trisha, I lost control. My life changed that day. I can still smell the blood."

This thought brings back the nausea that Nikki felt the other day, again she becomes transfixed by the door, and moves towards it, Helen moves with her. She places her hand on the door again, mirroring what had happened previously. She still can't get her head around why the door seems to hold so much power over her. She begins to verbalise her thoughts again.

"When I opened the door, and saw him on top of Trisha, it was the worst thing I had ever seen. When I stabbed him, it was the worst thing I have ever done." Tears are now streaming down her face; Helen is trying desperately to keep her own tears at bay.

"This door signifies all the terror I feel, I'm scared what I'll find if I open it again." Nikki closes her eyes. She's almost certain Helen thinks she's crazy.

Helen actually thinks the opposite, Nikki has attached all the pain from that day, and all of the pain from the fallout from that day, to the symbolic action of opening the door, Helen needs to show her, that she has nothing to fear either behind the door or anywhere else.

"Open it." Nikki's eyes open abruptly. She's taken aback by Helen's words; she just looks at her hand on the door. Helen continues.

"I promise you sweetheart, there's nothing behind that door that can hurt you. The sooner you realise that, the sooner you can get on with your life."

"What if I don't deserve to get on with my life?" Ah, it seems Helen may be getting to the real issue. She needs to keep Nikki talking.

"What do you mean?"

"I killed a man Helen. He doesn't get to carry on with his life." Nikki has now reverted to looking down, she daren't look at Helen.

"Listen to me Nikki." She is forceful in what she says, but she keeps the same tone and pitch to her voice. "That man was a bully and a rapist, and he got what he deserved. Okay."

Nikki closes her eyes again, Helen moves her hand from rubbing circles on her lovers back, and gently squeezes her shoulder, to emphasize that what she's saying is correct. "Okay?"

Nikki just nods her head, tears still freely falling from her eyes, there's another issue that terrifies her more than anything.

"I can't be sure I wouldn't do it again."

Helen is confused, but doesn't get a chance to voice her confusion, as Nikki continues to speak.

"If I opened that door, and I saw someone doing the same thing to you, I'm not sure I'd be able to stop myself from doing the same thing all over again."

Nikki really looses it now. Helen can't keep her composure either, tears streaming down her cheeks, but she needs to reassure Nikki.

"Good." This really takes Nikki by surprise, so much so that her head whips up, and she instantly looks at Helen, a little like she has gone insane.

"Nikki, you did nothing wrong that day." Nikki's head drops again, Helen again shakes her shoulder, causing her to look up. Helen is really struggling through her own tears now.

"And I hope you would do it again, because I know for sure, if anything like that was happening to you, I would do what you did, in an instant. No questions asked."

A look of confusion comes over Nikki's face, as she takes in Helen's words, then it's like the penny drops, the confusion is replaced by a look of clarity. She isn't scared any more. It's that simple.

"Open the door." Helen can tell Nikki seems to have understood that, she has no reason to be scared, but she wants her to overcome the actual physical thing of opening the door. Nikki still somewhat in a daze takes a few seconds to let Helen's words wash over her, she can't lie, she still feels a certain apprehension, about opening the door, but she takes one last look at Helen, and instantly knows, that with her by her side, she can get through anything.

She moves her hand, from where it is palm flat on the door, down to the door handle, and without a moment's hesitation, she opens the door, wide open. Helen gets ready for an emotional breakdown. But it doesn't arrive, Nikki just stands looking in the office she's not entirely sure what she was expecting to happen when she opened the door, but she is greeted by bright sunshine teaming in through the windows, it's just a plain office. Nothing to be scared of. She exhales loudly, pure relief. She honestly thought it would be a lot harder. She can't help the smile that forms on her face, she feels a little embarrassed, but moves forward into the office.

Helen just watches her with immense pride. Hoping that she finally realises that she did nothing wrong that day, that her actions and reactions, were normal, and anyone under that level of provocation, would have acted in exactly the same manner. Helen follows her into the office, happy.

**XXXXXXXXX**

They stayed in the office for a while, just chatting and getting used to the feeling of being in there. Like with the rest of the club, Trisha has redecorated the office beyond recognition as well, so Nikki had taken a little while to get re-accustomed with where everything was. One thing she knew for certain, she was never going to get to grips with the new computer system. She was getting a headache just thinking about it.

She is currently stretched out in the office chair, Helen has been having a proper look around the club, and giving a Nikki a chance to be alone in the office, she strolls back into the bright room, and smiles at Nikki, who looks a lot happier. Before she gets a chance to comment, her mobile phone rings, she pulls it out of her pocket, and doesn't recognise the number.

She moves to the side of the room, and Nikki watches with interest, only picking up bits and pieces of Helen's side of the conversation. When the phone call ends, she turns to Nikki, looking more than a little uneasy herself.

"That was Area Management. They want to see me this afternoon, about the job I interviewed for."

It seems it's now time for Helen to face her fears.

**XXXXXXXXX**

Never in her life has she felt as nervous as she does right now. Sitting opposite the three people that interviewed her, just a few days ago. The horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach is making her wonder, if this is actually worth it after all. Before she has a chance to give anymore thought to backing out, David, the senior interviewer begins to speak.

"Helen, we were mightily impressed with your CV."

She smiles, a little apprehension fading away. "Thank you."

"Your interview was excellent. We have no doubt that you can do the job."

Helen smiles, but its shorted lived. "The only worry we have is the circumstances under which you left Larkhall." Her head drops; she really doesn't know how she can explain that one, the truth certainly isn't an option.

"We notice from your record, it's the second time you resigned with immediate effect from this particular prison."

Helen hadn't even thought about the first time she resigned, this was when she was G Wing governor. She remembers when she had sought out Nikki afterwards, and they had shared their second kiss. The memory makes her smile, momentarily until she remembers were she is, she looks at David, expecting to see an expression implying that he requires an explanation, instead it seems he is going to speak again.

"We are aware of certain individuals at that particular prison, who have a more than colourful professional record, and who may not have been the easiest to work with."

Helen can't believe her ears. "We just wanted to bring you in today, to reassure you, that although you would have to work at Larkhall again, there's absolutely no reason you would ever need to cross paths with that particular individual again."

Helen really is lost for words he's obviously referring to Jim Fenner. David can see she is struggling with the information he has just imparted on her, truth is, Helen Stewart would be perfect for this particular project, and her reputation in Area Management is exemplary, in spite of the recent blip, she is still held in very high regard.

"In light of that, we would like to offer you the job, and hope we've reassured you enough to want to take it."

Helen is delighted, she needs a job, but the truth is, she needs to tell them about Nikki. For two reasons, her Moral code at work, and secondly and more importantly she doesn't want Nikki to be a secret, from anyone. She knows this may lose her the job offer, but she has to tell them.

"Before we go any further, there's something I feel I need to disclose."

Now its David's turn to look worried, he doesn't speak, just gestures for her to continue.

"I currently live with Nikki Wade." The name seems familiar to him, but he's not entirely sure why, Helen picks up on his uncertainty, and continues to explain.

"She was an inmate at Larkhall, while I was Wing Governor."

David wasn't expecting that. "When you say 'living with'?" He realises it's a silly question as soon as he asks it. Helen, feeling a lot less confident about her chances of actually getting the job, looks at the floor.

"We are in a relationship. A sexual relationship." She wanted to be clear so there was no doubt as to what she was saying.

This is a blow for David. It will certainly make things a little more difficult, but he needs to get some answers before he decides his next course of action.

"Did anything happen with her while she was inside?"

"I won't deny I fell in love with her while we were both in Larkhall, but nothing actually happened between us, until we were outside of those prison walls." Not exactly a lie.

David exhales, Helen can practically see the cogs turning in his head. "Thank you for being honest with me."

Helen nods, there it was, she's blown her chance of the job, but at least she was honest about Nikki, and that in some way made her a lot happier about the situation. She rises from the chair.

"Thank you for your time."

David is a little confused. "You haven't given me an answer yet."

Now its Helen's turn to be confused. She wasn't aware he had asked a question. "To what?"

David is really starting to wonder about her intelligence a little. "To whether you'll take the job or not?" he just looks at her like she's stupid, and to be fair; she's looking back at him with a mirrored expression.

"You mean the offers still on the table?"

"Of course. Don't get me wrong I'll need to talk to my supervisors about your relationship, but if nothing happened on the inside, then there's no reason it should affect me offering you the job."

Helen just stands there dumbfounded. After a couple of seconds she realises she needs to give him an answer. "Of course I'll take job."

A smile explodes onto David's face. "That's great. Okay well I'll get everything sorted this afternoon, and get all the paperwork out to you, but I don't see any reason why you can't start next week, if that's okay with you?"

Helen still in disbelief and grinning like an idiot. "That is absolutely fine by me." She grabs his outstretched hand, and shakes it joyfully. She didn't know how much she wanted the job until just now. She shakes the hand of the other two interviewers, who to be honest she had forgotten where in the room, and left excitedly. She can't wait to tell Nikki. Although she is slightly worried about how she'll take the news that she'll be working in Larkhall again, it's not really a place either of them wanted to revisit this quickly.

**XXXXXXXXX**

So let me know what you think


	8. Chapter 8

**This is a shorter, nicer, less angsty update. There will be more woe in the future. So enjoy it while it lasts.**

**Let me know what you think.**

**Bad Girls and its characters are property of Shed Productions. No copyright violations intended.**

Helen smiled all the way home, her face hurts a little. It's only when she pulls up in front of her flat, and realises that she now has to break the news to Nikki, that Larkhall is firmly back on the agenda, that her grin turns into a frown, and a dull ache pounds at her temples. She exhales and makes her way into the flat.

She throws her keys onto the cabinet as she ushers into the living space. "Hiya babe." She shouts out, hoping her call will locate Nikki.

Nikki comes sauntering out of the kitchen, tea towel in hand, chewing on some form of foodstuff. She leans in and kisses Helen, who apparently can't get over the shock of seeing Nikki in a domestic situation.

"Are you cooking?" There's a high pitched squeal in her voice, showing her surprise. Nikki half laughs and is half offended at Helen's shock.

"I'll have you know, I'm a bloody good cook."

"I'm not surprised that you're cooking, I'm surprised you found any food in there!" This makes Nikki laugh out loud. She makes a quick confession.

"Well, I had to nip to the shop first. Otherwise we'd be having beans on toast. And the breads off, so we woulda struggled with that."

Now it's Helen's turn to laugh. She loves this. "So what are we having then?"

Nikki still in a playful mood. "Well I took inspiration from your vast array of takeaway menus, and deduced that you seem to like Indian food. So we're having a curry."

This earns her a slap on the arm from Helen. Nikki smiles. "I also bought a bottle of your favourite wine."

"I knew I loved you for a reason." Helen slips her hand into Nikki's as they make their way into the kitchen.

"The reason you really love me, is because I actually bought two bottles" Nikki winks at her lover, and gently positions her onto a stool in the kitchen, so she can keep her entertained whilst she's cooking. She pours a glass of wine and passes it to Helen, the smile still hasn't dropped from her face, she wants to pinch herself, everyday from now on will be like this. Well not exactly like this, but everyday will involve Nikki Wade.

She's pulled from her thoughts, by Nikki's next words, crashing back down to reality. "So how did the meeting go?"

Nikki looks up from the pan; the expression on Helen's face is difficult to read she immediately assumes it didn't go too well.

"They offered me the job." Well that was unexpected; Helen's face isn't matching her words.

"Well that's great Helen, why the sad face?" Nikki is genuinely puzzled.

"It just means bringing Larkhall back into our life, a bit sooner than either of us probably wants to."

"You won't be based there though will you?"

"Well no. But I'll still have to go there."

"Will you be okay with Fenner?" This is the thing that worries Nikki the most, he's one slimly bastard that can get away with, well, practically anything truth be told. The thought of what he did to Helen, abusing her like that, makes her blood boil.

Helen oblivious to Nikki's brooding rage. "They brought me in this afternoon, to tell me that I should never have to see him."

Now Nikki's surprised. "What they brought you in to tell you that?"

"Yeah." She nods. "They wanted to reassure me."

"Maybe his lucks running out."

"Let's hope so."

"Sounds like they really want you for the job too."

Helen smiles. "Yeah. I accepted it." Her eyes are on Nikki immediately. Worried.

"That's great Helen." Her smile is genuine.

"So you're okay about me going back into Larkhall?"

"Yeah, like you say it won't be all the time. As long as you don't cross paths with Fenner, I don't see an issue at all. Do you think you'll be okay with it?"

"I think with you to come home to every night, I can cope with anything."

"Soppy sod." Helen knows Nikki's teasing, and feigns hurt, but can't help the smirk that spreads on her face.

Nikki wants to broach what may be a slightly more tense subject. "Will you be okay working with Thomas?"

"Well I heard on the grapevine that he resigned, not long after me." Nikki can't help the relief that she feels, she knows she has absolutely no reason to be worried, and she trusts Helen implicitly, but she's happier knowing the dashing doctor won't be around.

That particular subject ends there, both feeling the awkwardness, Nikki decides to change the subject.

"Speaking of Larkhall, you're not the only one who's been having a little trip down memory lane."

"Oh?" Helen takes a sip from her glass of wine.

"I called Monica Lindsay while you were out. I'm having lunch with her tomorrow, if you fancy it?"

"Oh Nikki, I would love that."

Nikki's grin his less happy, more mischievous. Helen absolutely has to question it.

"What is that face about Wade?"

"Well I'm just happy that you're on board." Helen isn't buying it. "That, and Monica doesn't know a thing about me and you, and I'm really looking forward to seeing the look on her face when we rock up together."

They both laugh, and then get back to enjoying their evening. Excited for what tomorrow may bring.

**XXXXXXXXX**

Nikki had arranged to meet Monica at a pub on the outskirts of London, near to where her halfway house was situated. It's a lovely day sun shining. Nikki has gone in search of Monica, and left Helen at the bar getting some drinks.

She heads straight out of the back door into the beer garden, the weather really is sublime, she assumes Monica will be out here somewhere, and she isn't disappointed.

"Nikki." She hears Monica's resonance above the rest of the clamour, and instantly turns to where the voice has come from. A smile instantly hits her face, and she hurriedly makes her way over to her old companion. The two women collapse into a hug.

When they pull back, they both realise they have tears on their cheeks. "What a pair we are." Nikki smiles.

"Oh Nikki it's so wonderful to see you. I was so happy when I saw you released on the news."

"Not as happy as I was."

"Well go and get yourself a drink, and we can catch up properly."

"My drinks on its way actually."

Right on cue, Helen walks out of the back door, Nikki's eyes are immediately on her, there's that smile again. Monica follows Nikki's gaze and is absolutely astounded when she sees Helen Stewart.

Helen eventually makes her way over to the two women, Nikki is looking at her with immense pride, love affection, a million emotions being conveyed, she loves it when she looks at her like this. When she glances at Monica's expression it takes her all not to burst out laughing in the older woman's face.

She looks well and truly flabbergasted. She just looks from Nikki to Helen, then back to Nikki again, who decides to put her out of her misery.

"You've met my girlfriend Helen before haven't you Monica?"Helen can't help the smile that bursts onto her face, when Nikki refers to her as her 'girlfriend.' It's the first time she's heard it, and she loves it. Nikki says it as if it's no big deal; she of course knows it is, Monica makes a noise a bit like a rocket going off.

"I don't know what to say. I always knew you two liked each other, but never in a million years." Monica doesn't have the mental capacity to complete her sentence, she just looks at Nikki and Helen, and the adoring looks they're giving each other, she can tell her great friend and her old wing governor are deeply in love.

Monica shakes her head; it's almost as if the physical motion helps clear the mental cobwebs. "Right then ladies, grab a seat, it seems we've got a lot of catching up to do.

Monica heads back to the table; Helen wiggles her eyebrows at Nikki, before they join their companion at the table.

**XXXXXXXX**

Catch up they certainly did. They spent the whole afternoon reminiscing, joking, laughing, and bringing Monica fully up to speed with what's happened since she left Larkhall, and how on earth the two of them came to be living together.

If was wonderful, and another step in the right direction for their relationship. It's been a good couple of days for Helen and Nikki. Although it seems their next big test will come next week. Nikki divulged over lunch, that since Helen would be starting work next week, and since she's hopefully overcome her anxiety about the office at the club, that she too will start back properly at work.

Helen is happy that their lives will be getting some structure and some normality to them, but she can't help but wonder if in light of their relationship so far, it might all be a little too normal for them.

Time will tell she supposes, right now she is just so unbelievably happy, and if their afternoon spent with Monica is anything to go by, Nikki feels exactly the same.

**XXXXXXXXX**

**As always, review, review, review. Or drop me some feedback on twitter Eden_Ashley_Chr**


	9. Chapter 9

**SORRY IT'S TAKEN SO LONG. REVIEW PLEASE.**

**Bad Girls and its characters are property of Shed Productions. No copyright violations intended.**

Helen has been in her new job for a week, and she is loving it. Not to blow her own trumpet or anything, but she is bloody good at it. She has an excellent team around her, and she can already see what a difference they can make to the lives of prisoners.

She been based at Holloway all week while she bed's into the new role, but it will cover all of the women's prisons in London and the surrounding areas. Larkhall is on the agenda for next week; her boss David had been almost apologetic when he told her. He knows she's not really looking forward to having to go back there.

She decides to focus on the positives of going back to Larkhall; obviously she will be doing a something really constructive in terms of her actual professional capacity, her reason for being there. But on another note, she's really excited about the familiar faces she may bump into while she's there, obviously Fenner is one she'd rather avoid, but other than him, she is genuinely excited about seeing the rest. She's includes staff and prisoners in that.

Nikki has loved this week. Helen coming home and excitedly filling her in on what's happened at work, she can tell she's really thrilled by her new role; the enthusiasm practically seeps from her. As well as that Nikki has slowly reintegrated to life back at the club. Trisha has taken pity on her, and let her take charge of the mid week shifts, she even held the fort by herself last night, and she bossed it. She really feels like she's getting back to her old self, and Trisha had been really glad of the night off. It's not often she gotten to have one of those over the last four years.

Helen strides through the door of the flat she now shares with Nikki, delighted after completing her first full week, with no drama, no hiccups, she's not used to being in a woman's prison and at least not have some small thing go wrong. That being said she's looking forward to the weekend. Nikki isn't working in the club tonight and she intends to make the most of it.

"Hiya Babe." This has become her customary greeting for when she gets home. She loves that she and Nikki are creating their own customs.

"In here." Nikki shouts to indicate she's in the living room.

She's watching something on the TV rather intently, but Helen is surprised to find she's dressed for going out.

"Going somewhere?"

Nikki pulls her concentration from the TV to look at her stunning girlfriend, and as usual she can't help the smile that registers on her face.

"Actually, we're going somewhere." Nikki lifts from the couch and greets Helen with a kiss. "Hi."

"Hi" Helen kisses her back hungrily. Nikki pulls back if they carry on down this route they won't be going anywhere.

"Claire's called, asked if we fancied doing something. Is that alright?"

Helen smiles, she loves that Nikki and Claire get on so well; obviously they got off to a good start, what with Claire getting her out of jail and all.

"Sounds perfect." Helen reassures.

"Good. Well get ready then, we've got reservations for dinner. Then I thought afterwards, we could partake in a bit of your favourite pastime." Nikki wiggles her eyebrows.

Helen is confused, Nikki decides to explain herself. "Drinking."

Helen laughs. "Well I'm a prod Scot Nikki."

"That you are my love. Now go and get ready."

Helen wanders off to the bedroom, and Nikki goes back to her TV programme.

**XXXXXXXXX**

They have had a really great evening at the restaurant, they let Claire choose as it was her idea, and she didn't disappoint. Nikki supposed being a criminal lawyer has its perks, after all she must get some questionable people off, and they are very generous when it comes to their freedom. She can't help but think of Yvonne. She hasn't told Helen yet, but she won't be the only one returning to Larkhall. Nikki has really missed all of her friends from inside, she received a visiting order from Babs this morning, and she fully intends on using it. She will save that little bomb shell for tomorrow though.

Back to tonight, they were in an Italian; the food has been fantastic and the wine even better. Nikki wanders off to the bathroom leaving Helen and Claire alone for the first time this evening.

"So I take it things are a little better than the last time we saw each other?" Claire thinks back to how upset Helen had been, and by contrast how content she seems now.

"Yeah, slowly but surely we seem to be working things out. There's a long way to go yet. But I'm confident."

Nikki practically runs back to the table, she so animated and the daft grin on her face has both women sitting at the table intrigued. She takes a deep breath; almost as if she's worn herself out either from excitement or the little jog she decided to take back from the bathroom. Helen and Claire are practically on the edge of their seats waiting for an explanation.

Nikki doesn't disappoint. "Guess who I've just seen?"

It's quite a posh restaurant so Helen and Claire immediately assume someone famous, although it must be someone really famous to have gotten Nikki so worked up.

"George Michael." That's Claire's guess.

Before Nikki can let them know they are going down completely the wrong path, Helen throws her speculation into the ring. "Oooooooooooooooh Elton John."

Nikki just looks at them both like there complete idiots. She also slightly worried that the person she's actually seen is going to be a massive let down such is their high expectations.

"No. Bodybag." She smiles again as she says it, the smile goes right to her eyes, and Helen's eyes widen at her words.

Claire is just confused. "Body who?"

Helen regains her ability to speak and decides to explain to her friend. "She was one of the prison officers in Larkhall, Sylvia Hollamby."

Claire now understands the reaction from the two women. "Did she see you Nikki?" Claire turns to the taller woman as she poses the question.

"No I don't think so, I pretty much legged it as soon as I saw her."

Helen nearly bursts out laughing at the picture she has in her mind of Nikki sprinting away, lanky all arms and legs, that is until she catches a glimpse of the aforementioned Bodybag.

"Don't look now." Helen nods her head in the direction of her former colleague, and who she assumes is her infamous husband Bobby. Nikki does exactly the wrong thing, and turns directly around coming face to face with the woman who used to lock her up.

Bodybag see's Nikki immediately. She is disgusted, that is until she sees who sitting at the table with her, then her revulsion really takes off. She storms over to the table.

"You should be disgusted with yourself." Her venom is firmly directed at Helen, who just smiles back. Bodybag, utterly dismayed at the former wing governor's reaction storms off as quickly as she arrived, leaving a slightly bemused Bobby just lingering at the table, before smiling awkwardly and taking off to follow his wife.

The three women just burst into fits of laughter.

**XXXXXXXXX**

They went for a few drinks after the restaurant, but compared to the last time the three of them went out it was a fairly tame affair. Nikki had just gotten into bed, and Helen is pottering around the bedroom getting ready for bed. Something's been on Nikki's mind since the Bodybag incident.

"When I ran to the table to tell you about Bodybag." Helen who has just removed her earrings, stops what she's doing interested in where Nikki might be going with this.

"It was because, I was certain you wouldn't want to be seen with me."

Helen is shocked at Nikki's words, her facial expression conveys as much, she sits down at the end of the bed, Nikki continues.

"I was running to warn you. Then when she caught us together you just smiled." Nikki is trying to express how pleasantly surprised she was by this.

"Nikki." It's practically a shout; Helen is really stunned by Nikki's words. "Caught us together, you make it sound like we were doing something wrong."

"I just never thought you'd be okay about telling people about us." Nikki is just thinking out loud now, she should perhaps try to filter a little before she vocalises.

"Based on what?" Helen is really on the defensive now. "I told Claire about us, Dominic about us, Thomas about us, hell I even told my new boss about us. I have never had an issue, with that. I have never been anything but proud of you, and us."

She has a thought. "And if this is about when we inside, I would have thought it was obvious why I wasn't shouting it from the rooftops then."

Nikki can see she's really messed up here. "I'm sorry Helen; I've been with straight woman before. I was always the dirty little secret. I just assumed."

"Straight, is that what you think I am? Because if that's true Nikki then what the hell are we doing here?"

Helen can't believe Nikki; she throws on her dressing gown and heads out of the bedroom at pace. Nikki just sighs; she throws her head back into the pillows in frustration, before flinging the covers back and going in search of her girlfriend.

She finds her sitting on the back doorstep, puffing on a cigarette still fuming. Nikki slowly sits down next to her. She nods in the direction of the cigarette.

"I didn't know you smoked." Helen hits her with her best death glare. Big mistake, she sees Nikki's huge brown puppy dog eyes, full of remorse, and she softens a little.

"I don't. It's a disgusting habit. I only do it when I'm pissed off."

Nikki sighs. "I shouldn't have said what I did."

"No you shouldn't." Helen stubs out the cigarette and chucks its, its only served to make her feel worse.

"If you think I'm just another straight girl going through a phase. . ."

"I don't." Nikki is emphatic in her response, now she has to try and explain. "I just. Helen you've been straight your whole life. It's a big thing for you to all of a sudden be with another woman."

"Not to me it isn't, Nikki I've risked everything for you. My job. If I wanted a 'normal life' I gave up a chance of that with Sean. For you. I've not taken all these risks, and made all these changes on a whim. If I thought it was some sort of phase, do you think I would have done all that?"

"No" Nikki feels awful.

"And after doing all that, risking all that for you. Do you really think I would want to keep you locked away as some sort of secret? Like I'm ashamed to be with you?"

She's looking at Nikki, her blood still boiling that she could ever think that of her. Nikki really has no excuse for thinking it, like Helen says she has nothing to base it on, other than past relationships, with women who weren't Helen. Helen has sacrificed so much for her.

"I'm sorry." She looks Helen dead in the eyes as she says it, and she can tell she really means it, and relents.

"I should bloody well think so Wade. I don't like it when you make assumptions about me. Remember Dominic."

Nikki closes her eyes and leans her head on Helen's shoulder. "I'm sorry. I guess I'm not perfect after all."

She smirks as she says it, as does Helen. "No you're not. But you're close enough."

Helen kisses Nikki on top of the head. "Come on lets go to bed, I'm bloody freezing."

"Just like that, you forgive me?"

"Nikki, you said something without thinking. I'm absolutely sure you didn't mean to hurt my feelings with your stupid comment."

"I didn't."

"Right lets go to bed then, you can start making it up to me."

That is like music to Nikki's ears, she grabs Helen's out stretched hand and allows herself to be pulled up and starts to follow Helen back to their bedroom. As they reach the room, Helen turns to Nikki and puts a hand on her face.

"I never want you to think I'm ashamed of you Nikki. Never."

Nikki is blown away by the level of emotion Helen is showing, she has obviously struck a chord with her. She just pulls her into a kiss to try and show her how sorry she is, as she obviously not conveying it very well in words. Nikki goes on to fulfil one of the promises she made to Helen once in prison, she made love to her all night long.

**XXXXXXXXX**

**Review, or drop me a line on twitter AT Eden_Ashley_Chr**


	10. Chapter 10

**The next chapter should come quite quickly, as I almost made this one big mega chapter, but I didn't want it to be too long.**

**Bad Girls and its characters are property of Shed Productions. No copyright violations intended.**

Helen had obviously forgiven Nikki for her little indiscretion last night, but there is still a weird tension between them. Nikki can tell Helen is still really annoyed at her, she can certainly understand why.

Nikki is currently sitting at one side of the kitchen table, nibbling on toast, look across at her lover who is sitting opposite, sipping on coffee. The silence between them is deafening. Nikki knows she needs to make this up to Helen, but she really has no idea how. Last time she was in the bad books and needed to make a big gesture, she escaped from prison. Well she definitely couldn't do that now. As with everything else recently, this is another thing she needs to learn how to do on 'the outside'.

"Have you got any plans for today?" Nikki decides to start tentatively; this is the first words they've said to each other since last night. Unless of course you count them crying out each other's names over and over again.

Helen looks up from her coffee, she almost laughs out loud at the look of remorse on Nikki's face, but she quickly remembers why she's narked at Nikki and decides she isn't ready to fully forgive her yet; she shakes her head to indicate she doesn't have plans, and then gets back to concentrating on her coffee.

Well that went well. Nikki decides to take a different tack.

"You know, I'm really glad, now that we're not in the confines of Larkhall, we have the time, and the inclination to really talk through our problems. Not let them linger and get worse."

Helen looks up from the coffee again, it appears Nikki hasn't finished.

"I remember back then, something would happen, usually about five minutes before lock up, then we'd get to fester on it for at least 24 hours, before we'd have a chance to talk about it, if we'd ever get that chance. Thank god we don't have that problem anymore."

Nikki can't help the smirk that appears on her face as she finishes her dramatic speech; neither can Helen stop the matching grin form on her own face.

"Alright Wade, you've made your point. You just pissed me off."

"Helen I said sorry. I thought you'd forgiven me last night?" she wiggles her eyebrows as she remembers their love making the night before.

"What would you say if I told you I haven't really forgiven you, I was just feeling incredibly horny?" Helen's eyes sparkle as she asks the question. Pure mischief.

Nikki decides to play along. "Well if you'd hadn't forgiven me before last night's shenanigans, you would have definitely forgiven me afterwards."

Helen loves this side to Nikki, so confident, so cock sure of herself, and with good reason she might add. Last night was amazing, and although she had still been annoyed at Nikki's accusation this morning, she has most definitely forgiven her.

Helen smiled, and Nikki could tell she was well and truly exonerated, and just like that the tension that had been so palpable just moments before disappeared.

"So do you have any plans for today?" Helen turns Nikki's question back onto her.

"I've got to be at the club for sixish, but other than that, no." Tonight is Nikki's first Saturday night back at the club, she's not sure if she's looking forward to it or not, Trisha will be there too, which she's grateful about.

Helen watches her with great interest, she knows Nikki's been coping really well so far back at the club, but tonight will be the next level, it will be busier and the club is always open later on a Saturday, she knows her usually uber confident girlfriend is feeling more than a little apprehensive about tonight.

"Do you think you'll be alright tonight?"

Nikki is broken form her thoughts, she smiles it appears Helen has the ability to read her mind. "I'm a bit nervous, probably like you will be when you go back to Larkhall on Monday."

This sends a shiver down Helen's spine; she's excited and nervous in equal measure. Nikki finishes what she's saying.

"But I think I'll be okay. I'll have Trish." Nikki nods her head as she says it confirming to Helen that she knows she'll be fine, because Trisha will be there for her. This makes Helen feel uncomfortable. She likes Trisha she really does, but she hates the thought of her being there for Nikki when it should be her. She needs to get rid of this jealously.

She swallows it down, for now. "Are you sure? I'm sure I could drag Claire out again tonight, and keep my eye on you from across the bar?"

Nikki laughs, she loves Helen for offering. "If you and Claire made it to the club, I doubt you'd be able to see anything through the Vodka mist."

"Are you implying I don't know when I've had enough?" Helen smiles, Nikki smiles back she leans over and kisses Helen.

"Speaking of Larkhall." Nikki decides to drop the bombshell. Helen is intrigued. "You're not the only one going back there on Monday."

Now Helen is really intrigued. "Oh?"

"Babs has sent me a VO."

"Are you sure you're ready to go back?"

"Probably about as ready as you are."

Helen lets Nikki's words wash over her, truth be told, she'd rather not be going back there this quickly, after all it was only a few weeks ago that she left the place, she hoped for good. It seems like her whole life has changed since then. But more than anything she feels strong enough to go back, because of Nikki, and she needs to verbalise this.

"I am ready to go back." Now it's Nikki's turn to be captivated. "I told you before Nikki, I know I can get through anything, because of you, because I know I've got you by my side."

Nikki grins like an idiot. "Then I was right. I am as ready as you are to go back."

**XXXXXXXXX**

The rest of the day had been wonderful, they hadn't done anything really, domestic chores, read the paper, and watched TV, normal everyday things. It wasn't lost on either of them how much they both treasured days like this, some people might consider it a waste of a day, they should go out there and seize the day. Carpe Diem and all that, but in reality, there opportunity to do this in the past, to just enjoy each other's company had been so limited, they both feel that doing anything but this would have been a real waste of the day.

They have the rest of their lives to have days out, or whatever, right now this, the way they have spent today, has been perfect. Even when Nikki left for work, and gave Helen a kiss, and told her to have a nice evening, and she'd see her in the morning, the normality of it blew both of their minds. They were actually living together, in real life; they were in a proper relationship on the outside, more than that its actually working. It's not easy, but they're getting there.

Just to make the perfect day a little more faultless, Nikki has just finished her first Saturday night back at the club, and it went smoothly, she couldn't have asked for a better night, no hiccups at all. She and Trisha had fallen back into the old routine; it was almost as if she'd gone back in time. She is also pleased to see she hasn't lost her way with the ladies; she had more than a few adoring glances, and flirtatious conversations. Obviously she had no plans to act on any of it, but it was a confidence booster, and of course, flirting with the punters is part and parcel of running a club.

Nikki and Trisha have just finished tidying the club, they are both exhausted. It's around 5am Sunday morning, but Trisha wants to celebrate. Nikki has done so well. Nikki isn't the only one who felt like they'd gone back in time, it really was like old times, like when they were a couple, Trisha was transported to life five years ago, and she liked it. She loved the comfortableness with Nikki, the flirtation. It made her realise just how much she'd missed this.

Nikki is sitting at the end of the bar, lost in her thoughts, until Trisha plonks a bottle of beer in front of her, which she gladly accepts.

"This is to you Nikki. Beating your demons, and having a successful return to the busiest night of the week."

Trisha clinks her own bottle of beer against Nikki's. Nikki thinks about Trisha's words and smiles. "To us."

This makes Trisha's heart swell. She gets lost in the euphoria of the nights events, she guesses she's probably not thinking straight, but that doesn't stop her. She places her hand on Nikki's face, and leans in and captures her lips with her own.

She takes Nikki by surprise. It's been really nice them falling back into the old routine, Nikki should have known something like this would happen she thought that maybe Trisha was still in love with her. All the time she's thinking she realises she's kissing her back, she needs to stop but she wants to do it as gently as possibly. Rather than just pull away abruptly and ask her what the hell she thinks she's doing, she moves her lips away slowly, but keeps her forehead in position. She doesn't really know what to say, so she just looks down at the floor.

Trisha allowed herself to get excited when Nikki didn't pull away immediately; she may have even kissed her back a little. When she inevitably did pull back it left Trisha feeling cold. But more than anything, Stupid. Why had she just done that, what an idiot?

"I'm sorry Nikki; I think I just got caught up in tonight, all the old memories flooding back."

Nikki takes a deep breath, she feels awful, all this time she had been thinking about the affect coming back to the club would have on her, not once did she think about how it would impact on Trisha. She feels utterly selfish.

"Are you still in love with me Trish?" She looks up as she poses the question, it was the last thing Trisha was expecting her to ask, and she can't help the stray tear that drops from her eye. She tries to catch it with her hand before Nikki sees it. Too late.

"I don't know Nikki." She tries to be as honest as possible. She really is confused.

"I had my heart set on us getting back together when you came out. I don't know if I'm just caught up in all of that, in all of this."

She's trying her best to explain it, she doesn't think she's doing a great job, but she glances at Nikki who is still listening intently, so maybe she does get what she's trying to say. She continues anyway.

"But I can't still be in love with you can I? Not after what I did to you when you were in prison."

Nikki knows she's referring to when Trisha dumped her for someone else. "Look, I don't think you can rely on anything that happened back then. Prison distorts things. That three years was so surreal, I don't think we can be sure of anything."

"But you're sure with Helen." Trisha looks up almost hopefully.

"I am now. I wasn't always in prison." Nikki sees Trisha almost deflate.

"Look Trish, I love you. I always will. But I'm not in love with you anymore. Deep down I don't think you're in love with me anymore."

Trisha nods, as Nikki continues. "I just think it's been a really emotional few weeks, and I think tonight took us back to a time before all the badness happened. And it's been amazing, but none of that's real, not anymore."

It's almost as if Nikki's words make a light go on in Trisha's brain. She was stuck in the past. She does love Nikki, but it's definitely a different kind of love now.

"When did you get so smart?"

Nikki smiles. "I've had a lot of time to think and educate myself over the last few years."

They both laugh, but Nikki needs to get serious for a second. She needs to make something perfectly clear.

"Trish, this is something we need to get past. I'm with Helen now. If this is going to be an issue going forward, then we might have to do alternate shifts or something?"

This scares Trisha to death, the thought of not having Nikki as a big part of her life makes her feel sick, she is almost panic stricken as she answers.

"No Nikki honestly, I just got caught a little down memory lane, I promise from now on I will be on my best behaviour. I'm just a little confused about how I'm feeling. You're right Nikki; I'm not in love with you. But I need you as part of my life."

Nikki's nods her head, and holds out her hand to Trisha. "Friends?"

Trisha readily accepts it. "The best of friends."

Nikki pulls her into a hug. Thank God that's sorted out. Her next Dilemma is if she should tell Helen or not, she's already pissed her off enough in the last couple of days.

**XXXXXXXXX**

**As always, let me know what you think. Next time, will be Helen and Nikki both returning to Larkhall.**


	11. Chapter 11

**SO IVE FINALLY WRITTEN THE NEXT CHAPTER. LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK.**

**Bad Girls and its characters are property of Shed Productions. No copyright violations intended.**

Nikki glances up, she takes in the sight before her, and it makes her shudder. She's currently regretting telling Barbara she would come to visit. Bit late to back out now. The bricks the huge bricks, and bars that had held Nikki prisoner for three long years, and now here she is, voluntarily walking back into the very same place. Anyone would think she was insane. She feels a little insane. But part of her needs to know what's been going on since she left; she needs to know that Fenner is behaving himself. She wakes up in a cold sweat some nights thinking about what that bastard might be doing to the friends she left behind.

The side door to the prison swings open, Nikki is about to see how the other half lived, not that she had many visitors while she was inside, Trisha a couple of times, and Helen of course. She's about to get a taster of what Helen went through when she made that particular visit. She follows the rest of the queue into the dingy building. Her heart sinks when she see's Bodybag and Di Barker on visitor duty, she's almost certain Bodybag will make her step to one side for a search.

"Name, and prisoner you're here to see." Bodybag doesn't even look up from the clip board, Nikki is thankful, she looks at Di who gives her a wry smile, she knows as well Nikki does, that as soon as she confirms her name, all hell will probably break loose.

Oh well, here goes nothing. "Nikki Wade, here to see Barbara Hunt."

Bodybag's head whips up at such a speed, Nikki's surprised she hasn't done herself a serious injury. The look on her face is Golden, it's the same look she was giving Helen in the restaurant on Friday night, she looks like a kettle about to boil, Nikki's sure steam is going to start bursting out of her ears at any point. It takes everything Nikki has to not burst out laughing, but she can't help the little smirk that creeps onto her face. It appears Bodybag has lost the ability to speak. Di who is swallowing down a smirk of her own takes over.

"Lovely to see you again Nikki." Nikki tears her sight away from Hollamby to focus on Di. "Barbara's really looking forward to seeing you."

Di gestures with her head that Nikki is free to enter the visitor's room. "Thank you." She has one last look at Bodybag; she really has the most entertaining of faces, before making her way through the final barrier.

She looks around the room, she recognises it well, pasty cream walls green painted doors, some proper dodgy looking prisoners, and visitors for that matter. Then there she is, the woman who had come to mean so much to her, wearing a very fetching orange vest.

"Babs." She can't hide how excited she is. Barbara is off her feet immediately, and pulls Nikki into a hug.

"Alright sit down." Doesn't take long for Bodybag to interrupt. Nikki just rolls her eyes, and smiles at her older friend before they both slink down into the plastic chairs.

"Oh Nikki it's wonderful to see you." She really is thrilled. "I want to know all about your life since you've been out."

"I'm not sure we can fit it all into a short visit."

This has Barbara intrigued; Nikki has been out for less than a month. "Well just give me the short version."

"The short version?" Nikki grins, she could have some fun with this. "Okay, well, Trisha and I are over for good. I'm back working at the club full time. I'm loaded. I've reacquainted with Monica Lindsay. Oh and I'm living with Helen Stewart. We got back together."

Barbara has just flown through a myriad of emotions, and facial expressions, from a frown at the news that Nikki and Trisha we're over, to a smile at the Monica Lindsay news, to a full blown open mouthed 'oh my god' to the Helen Stewart Bombshell. Nikki is actually laughing out loud. It seems her first trip back to Larkhall isn't going to be as bad as first anticipated.

**XXXXXXXXX**

Helen has almost made it through her first day at Larkhall unscathed. She's just got to make it back to her temporary office, finish up some paper work, and she will be out of here, and just in time to meet Nikki at the gate after visiting too.

It appears she's had this thought a little prematurely. The one person she desperately wanted to avoid, the one person who has the power to turn her so far pleasant day, into a disaster. Jim Fenner, heading straight for her. She grips her folder and braces herself for his inevitable onslaught.

"Helen, I heard you were back." Smarmy bastard.

"Hello Jim." Helen just wants this to be over as quickly as possible, he obviously can't help but gloat.

"You know I remember the last words you ever said to me." Unfortunately so does Helen, she cringes at the thought. He continues.

"I thought you were going to drag me all the way down with you?"

Helen gives him her most confident smile. "You know Jim, I guess I just realised, that you're not worth the effort, and there's more important things in life I could be focusing my energy on."

"Ah yes, how is the dashing doctor?" This takes Helen by surprise, Fenner grins when he sees Helen falter, it was only for a second, but that's exactly the reaction he was after.

"Oh that's right; Sylvia mentioned you were out with that dyke Nikki Wade over the weekend."

Helen wants to smash his face in. "My private life's really got nothing to do with you at all has it?"

"Quite right Helen, I'm sure Area Management would very interested to know the kind of company you're keeping."

She laughs at him, talk about déjà vu is that really the best he can muster, she's going to enjoy her next sentence. "You've got no idea have you Jim." She shakes her head. "You're right, Area Management were interested. Especially when I told them that we're lovers, and we live together."

Jim thinks his brain has actually exploded. He can barely formulate a thought, never mind a sentence. Satisfied Helen saunters off, but before she can get fully away he manages to regain his speech, of course he would have to have the last word.

"Be careful Helen."

She sighs. "Likewise Jim."

With that she has definitely had enough of this conversation, she heads off again, and this time doesn't let him get the last word. Jim is furious. He knew he should have brought Helen Stewart down when he had the chance, who does she think she is coming back her, strutting around like she owns the place, flaunting her relationship with an ex con. It makes him physically sick to his stomach and one thing's for sure. He will not stand for this.

**XXXXXXXXX**

Nikki has spent the last 20 minutes filling Babs in the best she can on the goings on her life over the last month. Barbara has been engrossed, Nikki has been so animated, freedom really suits her, she can tell her friend is immensely happy with her life on the outside. But the frown when Nikki finishes her tale, is what gives her away, Barbara used to spend twenty four seven locked in a six by eight feet cell with Nikki, she can read her like a book, and she can tell something is bothering her, for some reason she's not as happy as she's making herself out to be.

"Nikki." She says it with such compassion it actually worries Nikki, she looks up a Babs and she just looks concerned. Nikki is puzzled.

"What's going on?" the sympathy never leaves Babs tone. Nikki gets rather uncomfortable and starts playing with her fingers, in the end she knows talking about it will probably be the best thing to do, but quietly, the last thing she needs is Bodybag overhearing.

She exhales loudly, before letting the words tumble from her lips. "I fucked up. Trish kissed me and I let her."

Barbara can't believe her ears, after everything Nikki has been through with Helen she can't believe that she would be so stupid. "When?"

"Saturday night."

"Oh Nikki what happened?"

"It was our first really busy night back working, and we kind of transformed back in time. Trish let her emotions get the better of her."

Nikki takes a deep breath before continuing. "She kissed me, and I've hurt her so much already with the whole Helen situation, I didn't have the heart to hurt her again. I kissed her back for like a second before I pulled away, and told her in no uncertain terms that I'm in love with Helen."

Well that's not nearly as bad as Barbara was thinking. "What did Helen say when you told her?"

The look of guilt on Nikki's face conveys to Barbara that she hasn't told Helen at all, no wonder she feels miserable.

"Nikki, you've got to tell her."

Nikki knows this; she's really not looking forward to it. "What if she doesn't forgive me?"

Barbara tries her best to reassure her friend. "Look the way you've explained it to me, you haven't actually done anything wrong. The only thing you're guilty of is trying to spare a good friends feelings."

"If Helen kissed one of her exes, no matter what the circumstances. I would lose my mind."

Barbara can't help but smirk. "Good to see a little bit of the old Nikki is left."

Nikki can't help but reciprocate the smile. Barbara gets serious again. "Nikki the worst thing that could happen, is you not telling her, and it coming out further down the line. Then it will really look like you had something to hide."

Nikki hadn't really thought about it like this. Babs was right, she needs to tell Helen. "I'll tell her tonight."

"Let me know how it goes."

"I will do I'll write."

"Right, come on, you've had your time." Bodybag's voice cuts through the air like a fog horn. Nikki rises from her chair.

"Give my love to Yvonne and the rest."

"I will do, don't be a stranger."

Nikki gives Barbara a kiss on the cheek, before heading for the exit; she's starting to feel a little claustrophobic. She heads to the main gate to wait for Helen.

**XXXXXXXXX**

The guard on the gate had recognised Nikki, and had been interested to know how she'd been getting on since she'd been released, so she'd chatted to him for a while, then been allowed to wait for Helen by her car, which is where she is currently, sitting on the bonnet. She can't help but grin when she sees Helen coming towards her, there definitely something about Helen in these surroundings, in that suit.

Helen can see the playful grin on Nikki's face and she knows exactly what's on her mind. "What are you grinning at Wade. You're not thinking about a trip to the potting shed are you?"

Helen gives Nikki her sexiest smile, Nikki can't help but giggle, she bites her bottom lip. "Now I am."

Helen pulls Nikki in and gives her a kiss, it's more than a peck, but Helen knows not to push her luck. She pulls back. "Bet you never thought you'd get to do that here did you?"

"No ma'am, I thought that kind of behaviour was strictly for the art room." Nikki wiggles her eyebrows.

"Come on, let's get home."

Nikki jumps into the passenger side, happy. Knowing it might not last when she comes clean later.

Fenner has watched the whole exchange from one of the barred windows, if his encounter in the hall with Helen made him sick, what he's just witnessed makes him extra nauseous. He can't bare it.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

They had been home for about an hour, and just sat through a pleasant enough dinner. Helen's starting to think Nikki's first visit back to Larkhall has been a little harder than she's letting on. She can tell there's something on her mind, she decides to try and broach the subject.

"How was Barbara?"

Nikki can't help the smile that appears on her face, it really was good to see her old friend. "She was great. She filled me in on all the goings on."

"Anything interesting?"

"Yvonne got accused of murder, and tried to escape. Basically it seems like Yvonne been keeping the masses entertained."

Helen nearly chokes on her cup of tea. "Who got murdered?"

"Virginia O'Kane."

Nikki doesn't notice the change in Helen's demeanour. Fenner, it had to be that bastard. She's bets it wasn't coincidence that Yvonne got the blame either. It makes her sick to the stomach to think of a man like that in the prison service. She vowed internally, that she wouldn't get mixed up with him again, she's got Nikki now, that all she's really ever wanted, but that vow is proving exceptionally difficult to adhere to right now.

"Has she been charged?"

Nikki wonders why Helen is so interested, but just shrugs it off. "I dunno, Babs seems pretty sure that she's gunna prove her innocence, so hopefully it should all be okay in the end."

Helen decides to put that out of her mind, trying to nail Fenner, and her last demise at Larkhall really was one of the lowest parts of her life, one she doesn't particularly want to revisit. Judging by the smile on her lovers face, it can't have been anything Barbara said that's put her in this weird mood. She decides to just ask.

"Nikki is everything okay? You've been acting shady since we got home?"

Nikki swallows, she actually feels sick, but she remembers Barbara's words from earlier. She knows she has to do this. She's really not looking forward to Helen's response. The look on Nikki's face has Helen worried.

"I've got to tell you something. You're not gunna like it?"

The panic starts to rise in Helen. She almost wishing she hadn't pushed the subject. She was laughing a few minutes ago, and now Nikki looks on the verge of tears. She nods her head to signal for Nikki to continue.

Deep breath. Here goes nothing. "Saturday night. Trish kissed me."

She decides to get more information before she hits the roof. "Did you kiss her back?"

The guilty look on Nikki's face and the fact she hasn't offered an answer yet is pretty conclusive evidence to Helen that she did. It kills her. She actually rises from her seat, and can't help the level her volume increases when she gets her next words out.

"Well did you?"

Nikki looks Helen square in the face as she finally offers her answer. "Yes I did."

Helen can't believe her ears, a thousand questions whirring around her brain, she actually starts to pace up and down the kitchen. Nikki hates herself. One of the many questions buzzing around Helen's head finally makes it to her lips.

"Why?" She stops pacing and just stands glaring at Nikki, hands on hips. If looks could kill.

"She was crushed, when you and I got together. I crushed her by choosing you." Helen softens a little. Nikki continues. "I just didn't want to hurt her anymore."

"But it was alright to hurt me?" a tear falls from Nikki's eyes at Helen's words.

"I wasn't thinking." This doesn't sound right to Nikki. "Maybe I was thinking too much, I don't know. But before I knew it her lips were on mine, and it took a second for me to get them off."

"A second?" Helen needs Nikki to be really clear here.

"Yeah a second."

"So you didn't really kiss her back then?"

Nikki's confused. "But I didn't pull away immediately."

Helen almost laughs with relief. She had visions of a full blown pashing session. The fact that Nikki is beating herself up over something relatively little, makes Helen realise just how much Nikki must love her, and just how scared she is of losing her. Helen decides to put Nikki out of her misery.

She places a hand on either side of Nikki's face. "You idiot. I thought you'd been snogging her face off, you looked so guilty."

"Never."

"Look Nikki I'm not going to pretend I'm happy about this. But you don't need to look so worried. I'm not going anywhere."

Nikki can't formulate words; she just nods her head as a boat load of happy tears stream down her face. Helen releases her, but she can't help but think they still have a massive issue on their hands. One that makes her terrified to her soul.

"Does she want you back?"

Nikki looks up. Helen looks terrified. "No. She just got caught up in the past. I told her in no uncertain terms that I don't want her. I only want you."

She tries her best to reassure her, but Helen still looks worried. She sighs. "This is so fucked up Nikki. You two have to work together. Is she going to try it again, is this something I need to be worried about?"

"Not on my part it isn't." Nikki is defiant.

"And what about on Trisha's part?" Nikki doesn't really have an answer for that. "I'm gunna have to talk to her Nikki."

"Are you sure that's wise?"

"Nikki I can't sit home every night worrying about what you're up to."

"Helen I told you, you won't have to do that. I'm not interested in Trisha."

"Yes you are Nikki." She sees that Nikki is about to protest, so she explains herself. "You said to me, Trisha is a big part of your life. Which is fine, but if she keeps trying it on with you, I'm going to kill her. If she wants to be part of your life, then I need to talk to her."

Nikki knows better than to argue with Helen when's she in this sort of mood. Why does everything have to be so difficult?

**XXXXXXXX**

**All feedback greatly accepted.**


	12. Chapter 12

**I'VE BEEN A BIT QUICKER THIS TIME! AS ALWAYS LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK. I'M ADDING A LITTLE MORE DRAMA IN.**

**Bad Girls and its characters are property of Shed Productions. No copyright violations intended.**

Helen knocks on the door timidly, and sighs. She's really not looking forward to this. The door open's, Trish is surprised to see Helen standing on the other side, although she's not really sure why, she should have been expecting this.

"Helen, what a nice surprise."

Helen smirks at the obvious fakeness of Trish's sentence. "I thought we better have a talk. Can I come in?"

Trisha doesn't speak she just opens the door fully and steps to the side, Helen doesn't need a second invitation, she steps through the door a lot more confidently than she feels. Trish braces herself as she follows Helen into the kitchen; this is not going to be a pleasant experience.

Helen removes her jacket and sits at the island in the middle of the kitchen, from the few times she's been here; she knows this is the social hub of this particular household. Trisha cautiously walks around the opposite side of the island, and places her palms flat on the surface, but doesn't sit.

"Would you like a cup of tea?" The hostess in Trisha takes over. Helen smiles and nods her head; she still really has no idea how to start this particular conversation.

Trisha busies herself with making the brews. It seems Helen's not quite ready to discuss what she's come here to talk about. Trish decides small talk would probably be better than this awkward silence between the two of them.

"How's the new job going Helen?"

Helen looks up again, it's almost as if she's just realised where she actually is. "Really great thanks."

"Nikki said you had to go back to Larkhall?" She places a piping hot cup of tea in front of Helen, as she sits on the other side of the island, nursing her own mug.

"Thanks. Yeah the Larkhall part wasn't that great."

"Too many bad memories?"

Helen thinks about the question, she can't help but smirk. "No actually. Quite a lot of good memories. Just one person in particular that I didn't want to see."

"And you did?"

Helen smiles again and nods to answer Trisha's question. She likes this, this is what she hoped could happen between the two of them. Trish seems genuinely interested in how her life's going, and Helen is really interested to know how Trisha is doing, she hopes the two of them can get past this and grow into great friends. And with that thought she decides to broach the subject she's really here to discuss.

"How did Nikki get on with her first busy night back at the club?"

Trish swallows. Here it comes. "Really great. It was like she'd never been away."

Helen can't help but notice the sadness tinged in Trisha's tone, and etched on her face. She softens a little and remembers that all that's happened over the last month or so must have been really hard for the blonde. Helen knows that this situation could easily have been the other way round; she knows if Nikki had chosen Trisha her world would feel like it had come to an end.

"Yeah Nikki mentioned you might have gotten caught up in the past a little."

There it was. Trisha wants the floor to swallow her up. She's impressed at how level Helen has managed to keep her voice, if it was the other way around, she would be screaming and shouting.

"Helen I'm so sorry."

Helen can see the remorse in her eyes. "Trish I don't want your apologies."

That's not what she was expecting; she looks at Helen like she's just sprouted a second head. She continues.

"I want your assurances that it won't happen again."

"It won't." The speed at which she answers makes Helen truly believe her words.

"Good. Because Nikki's made it clear that she wants you to be a big part of her life. That will be a lot easier if me and you can get on."

Trisha still can't quite believe how calm Helen is being. "Me and you will get on a lot better, if I don't have the urge to smash your face in."

Helen smirks at Trisha, to show she's being playful, Trish grins back there's that famous Stewart temper Nikki had told her about. Helen gets a little more serious.

"Just for the avoidance of doubt. If you try to kiss my girlfriend again, I will be a lot less calm."

"Message received." They both relax a little; Trish feels safe enough to question Helen further.

"I've got to be honest Helen; I thought you'd be a lot less calm this time round?"

Helen sighs. "If I'd have come round as soon as I found out I probably would have been."

Smirks all round again. Helen carry's on. "I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt Trish. Because I know how hard it must have been to let Nikki go."

"I didn't let her go Helen. I never had her; I've never had her since she met you." Honesty, that's all Helen can see oozing out of Trisha right now.

"Still it must have been difficult for you."

"Don't get me wrong it was. If you hadn't have come along when you did, I'm sure me and Nikki would have given it another go." Helen's heart lurches as she hears this, she thanks god again that Thomas did what he did, when he did.

Trish doesn't appear to have noticed the emotional effect her words have had on Helen. "But it would never have worked. The love isn't there between us anymore." Trish shakes her head as she speaks. "No actually, the love is still there. It's just a different kind."

Helen nods at Trisha. "She's my best friend now Helen. Nothing else, and in a way I think Saturday night really helped me realise that."

"Good." Helen is honestly relieved.

"I'd really like it now if we could try and be friends too. I know we've already said we'll make an effort, but I think it might work better now. I've dropped the bitterness, and you can drop the worry." Trisha is practically pleading with Helen, she knows she's messed up, and she'll never forgive herself if that mistake means she can't be a part of Nikki's life.

"I'd really like that Trish."

They both smile again. That was a lot more pleasant than either of them was really expecting.

**XXXXXXXXX**

Helen had ended up having a really nice afternoon with Trish; she spent a couple of hours with the blonde and discovered she actually kinda likes her. It's a feeling that is most definitely mutual on Trisha's part. She loves Helen's wicked sense of humour, and the two women have vowed to have a night out together and really get to know each other better, both are excited at the prospect.

Helen had called Nikki as she was leaving and had been summoned to the local shops to pick up a few bits for dinner. That's where she is now, meandering around the local Waitrose basket in hand, contemplating how amazing her life seems to be at the moment. She's pulled from her thoughts by someone stating her name.

"Helen, hi."

She's surprised to look up and see a sheepish looking Karen Betts staring back at her, she's the last person she expected to see and to be honest one of the last people she wanted to see, such was her close personal relationship with Fenner.

"Karen." It really is all she can muster, due to the shock of seeing in her in such a civilian environment.

Although Karen wasn't really expecting to see Helen, she's glad that she has in light of her recent downfall at Larkhall. The new Governing Governor, Helen's predecessor obviously, had taken an instant dislike to her, and just yesterday, she had been demoted to a uniform officer, and Jim Fenner was now in charge of G-Wing, something she's sure Helen will be aghast about. She's almost sure it wasn't just down to dislike. Fenner had been in the governor's ear since day one.

But more than that, she knows there was something going on between Helen and Fenner before Helen stormed out of Larkhall, and she wants to know what it was. She's almost certain everything Helen ever said about Jim was true, including the allegation of sexual assault. She can't believe she didn't escalate that particular matter any further.

No one has said anything for a while, so Helen decides to break the silence. "How's Larkhall."

"Actually Helen, I was hoping to talk to you about that. Do you have time to grab a drink or a bite to eat?"

Well that sounds like the last thing Helen wants to do, her face conveys as much. She frantically tries to think of an excuse not to go. Karen can tell she's not a fan of her suggestion, she needs to entice Helen.

"It's about Fenner really. If it helps, I'm starting to believe he's the bastard you've always made him out to be."

Helen is shocked, she thought Fenner had Karen wrapped around his little finger. She's definitely intrigued, the conversation seems a lot more appealing now. She decides to bite the bullet.

"Why don't you come back to mine? I'm just grabbing a few bits for dinner; you're more than welcome to join us."

"I'd love to." Karen smiles elated. The use of the term 'us' piques her interest. Obviously Helen is referring to the Doctor, Thomas Waugh. She chuckles a little, remembering Jim's ludicrous accusation. Helen is interested enough to ask.

"What's so funny?"

"Just something Jim said about you once. He always used to bad mouth you, but this was by far the most ridiculous thing he ever said." Helen freezes bracing herself, she has a good idea what Karen is referring to.

"He actually tried to convince me that you were having an affair with Nikki Wade." Karen giggles again, but worries slightly when Helen doesn't join her. In fact she looks positively ill. Like she could pass out.

"Karen." Another deep breath. "Jim wasn't always lying. Don't get me wrong he exaggerated a lot. But he sometimes he wasn't too far from the truth."

"What do you mean?"

"Come on, let's get back to mine, I'll explain everything there." The last thing Helen wants is for everything to come out in the middle of the local supermarket.

Karen just follows Helen to the till, a million and one questions buzzing through her brain, what could Helen mean by that comment? Helen adds a couple of bottles of wine to the basket; this could be a long night.

**XXXXXXXXX**

The drive to Helen's flat had been a quiet one. Both women had been lost in their own thoughts. But they are here now, Helen slips the key into the door and walks in confidently, Karen follows, not really knowing what to expect.

"Hiya Babe." It's out of her mouth before she has a chance to think about it.

Nikki wanders out of the kitchen; she's been desperate to find out how the visit to Trisha's went. Although it seems she may have to wait a little longer, she loses all train of thought when she sees Karen Betts standing in her hallway. To be fair the expression on Karen's face matches Nikki's, both of them look like their eyes are about to pop out.

Nikki regains the power of speech quicker, than the older woman. "Miss Betts?"

Karen seems to snap out of the trance. "Nikki? Please call me Karen."

Helen watches the two of them; they're like a pair of infants that have just discovered the ability to speak. If the situation was so serious, Helen would be highly amused.

Helen passes the bag of shopping she has to Nikki, who just looks at her with an expression that screams 'what the hell is going on.'

"I got everything you asked for. Plus a bottle of wine, why don't you crack that open and pour us all a drink?"

Nikki who's still none the wiser as to what's actually happening here, just nods her head, and starts making her way back to the kitchen, until Helen's voice stops her in her tracks.

"Nikki."

She swings back round, and Helen places one hand on the side of her face, before giving her a quick kiss on the lips, she feels like she needs this kiss to make it through the evening. Nikki smiles, and then heads back to the kitchen, Helen turns to face Karen, who still looks astounded, she gestures towards the front room.

"Shall we go and make ourselves a bit more comfortable."

They make their way into the front room; Helen sits on one couch, Karen on the other. It seems one of the many questions Karen has is finally going to make its way out.

"Helen, I'm really confused here. I thought when you said join us for dinner you were talking about Thomas? You and Nikki Wade?"

"Karen I know it's a lot to take in."

"A lot to take in, Helen it makes me question everything. I mean I thought Jim was insane, and you were right with everything you said about him. But now it turns out he was really telling the truth."

Karen really doesn't know who to trust anymore. Helen panics.

"Not one thing Jim said about me and Nikki was true. We weren't having an affair."

Karen sighs exasperated, she finds that very hard to believe given what she's just witnessed. "We weren't Karen I promise."

Karen isn't convinced. Nikki enters the room and hands each woman a glass of wine. "I'm just sorting dinner out, then I'll join you."

She winks at Helen and smiles at Karen before leaving the room, wow that was tense. Helen needs to explain further.

"I won't deny I fell in love with Nikki while we were both at Larkhall. But it wasn't until after she won her appeal that we actually got together."

"You fell in love in Larkhall, what does that even mean? Surely that's worse."

"I couldn't help how I felt Karen, I tried to fight it. Believe me. She's the love of my life."

Helen looks on the verge of tears, Karen relaxes a little. She can tell Helen must have been through hell, she always hit Karen as one of the more professional officers, so falling in love with an inmate must have been turmoil.

"I do believe you. I know better than anyone how powerful love can be."

It seems Helen might be about to get down to the actual reason Karen is here. She pushes a little.

"You said you wanted to talk about Larkhall?"

"Yeah a lots changed."

"Karen you know I was there on Monday?" Helen can't believe that so much could change in such a short period of time.

Karen laughs, oh Helen, so naive. She decides to power through the points. "Well, your replacement decided I wasn't fit for purpose, and demoted me, and made your favourite prison officer G-Wing governor."

Helen can't believe her ears, Karen is obviously referring to Fenner, she doesn't quite understand what's happened between the two of them, Karen was sleeping with Fenner when she left Larkhall, wasn't she?

"I thought you and Fenner were an item?"

"We were engaged." Wow he really had her blindsided. "He said I didn't trust him, and he couldn't be with someone like that."

With good reason is Helen's first thought, although the news that Fenner was the one to break up with Karen makes her a little more cautious.

"It's because I wouldn't take his side, when it came to the furore surrounding your departure."

Helen looks confused. Karen explains. "Your complaint of sexual assault."

"Oh." Helen had wondered if anything had ever come of that, she assumed as she'd heard nothing probably not.

"The complaint got thrown out, I'm sorry Helen." Karen almost reading Helen's mind.

She guessed as much, Jim really does have the luck of the devil. Karen needs to know more.

"There was more going on between you two when you left?"

Helen nods to confirm that was in fact the case. Nikki re enters the room and takes a seat beside Helen. She smiles at both women; she can tell she's just stepped into a fairly tense conversation. Helen is glad Nikki's entered, she hasn't told her yet about Fenner's dealings with O'Kane, so if it's coming out, she may as well tell them both together. She decides to start with why she left.

"Fenner threatened to tell the Appeal court about mine and Nikki's 'relationship.' He knew I wouldn't risk Nikki's appeal, so he blackmailed me to resign."

Karen doesn't really understand. "You said nothing happened between you two inside, so how would he even prove that?"

This is getting a little too close for comfort now, Helen needs to explain obviously, but she absolutely cannot let slip about Nikki's escape. Nikki visibly stiffens at the route this conversation is taking. Helen grabs her hand its and almost involuntary action, but she gives Nikki her best reassuring smile before she tries to explain.

"Nikki and Barbara were very close, Barbara had written in her diary about the feelings, and I know it doesn't sound like much, but I would never have forgiven myself if it would have had any effect on Nikki's chances of getting out."

Karen seems satisfied with the answer, but she has another question that's been confusing her. "Why then though? Fenner's been banging on about you two for years, why would he all of a sudden decide it needed to come out then?"

Here goes nothing; she squeezes Nikki's hand, to be honest Nikki kinda wants to know the answer to that question.

"I found something out about Fenner, from one of the inmates, and I used that to try and get him to resign."

Nikki is shocked. She knew Helen hated his guts, but even she was surprised that Helen would stoop to using his own tactics against him.

"What did you find out?" Karen asks the question that had obviously been lingering in the air.

Helen again braces herself; she knows this is the part that Nikki really isn't going to like. "Yvonne Atkins told me that he was looking after Virginia O'Kane's brothel business, in exchange for some of the profits of course." She can see both women processing the information, she carries on. "I caught him making a collection at one of the brothels, and demanded his resignation."

It takes about three milliseconds for Nikki to put all the information swirling around her brain together. She just starts to vocalise it. The other two women listen intently.

"What and days later, O'Kane's been murdered, and Yvonne gets the blame." The more she thinks about it, the more mad she gets she's dropped Helen's hand, and is now actually pacing in the front room. "Bastard."

Karen can't believe it, she can't believe she was engaged to this man, had sex with this man, and was making a life with this man. "You can't really believe that Fenner murdered O'Kane? He was with me?"

As she says it, she realises that he has an alibi for murder, her! Helen speaks as anger is still preventing Nikki from doing so.

"I don't think he'd be stupid enough to do it himself."

"Meaning you think he got someone else to do it?" Karen still can't believe Fenner would go as far as to have someone killed.

"Do you really think it's a coincidence that he got rid of me, O'Kane and silenced Yvonne, the only three people that new about his extracurricular activity?"

"No I don't." Karen is starting to realise just what a monster he is.

"We've gotta get that bastard out of there. Away from my friends." Nikki's found her voice again. Helen's heart breaks, this is exactly why she didn't want to tell Nikki, she's lost enough of her life to Larkhall, she knows now that she'll worry until Fenner is out.

"Nikki sweetheart I don't think there's much the three of us can do." Helen says it as gently as she can, and stands and places an arm on Nikki's back.

"Maybe there is." Helen is surprised when these words fall from Karen's lips and not Nikki's. She's on a roll deep in thought. "I mean it won't be easy now he's wing governor."

"What?!" Nikki can't believe her ears, Helen rolls her eyes, Nikki probably could have done without knowing that. Karen ignores them both and continues.

"But I'm still in there every day, Helen you'll be there a couple of times a month." Helen bobs her head to confirm Karen's assumption.

"Nikki you'll be visiting Babs and Yvonne. I'm sure between the three of us, we can some sort of information. Especially with Nikki having a hotline to the inside."

Nikki likes Karen's line of thinking, Helen can tell as much just from her lovers change in posture. Helen's not as eager.

"Look, I want more than anything to get that bastard out of the service, I have done since day one. But going after him is a dangerous game. I mean look what happened to me."

"We can't just let him keep getting away with it." It seems Karen is on a crusade, and Nikki looks to be more than willing to join her.

"Look all I'm saying is we need to be careful, we can't just go in all gung ho. He will stop at nothing to protect himself."

"Helen's right Karen, he's a devious bastard, but he's smart with it."

Karen nods. Helen and Nikki slump back down onto the couch, and the women spend the rest of the evening discussing a plan of action. Helen can't help but worry, she's been on the receiving end of Fenners vengeance before, the last thing she wants is to lose Nikki out of all of this, there really isn't anything Fenner won't do.

**XXXXXXXXX**

**So? What do you reckon?**


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